OldTex
Well-known member
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So
I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?"
"That's right."So I shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I
paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I
inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thing"
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm,too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He
told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field
call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
Branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher
if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells
her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine.
The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer"
...Dispatcher: RUSH him in to emergency!
"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."
Recently, when I went to McDonald's, I saw on the menu
that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken
McNuggets. I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
"We don't have half dozen nuggets," said the teenager
at the counter. "You don't?" I replied. "We only have
six, nine, or twelve," was the reply. "So
I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order
six?"
"That's right."So I shook my head and ordered six
McNuggets.
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a
few items and the lady behind me put her things on the
belt close to mine. I picked up one of those
"dividers" that they keep by the cash register and
placed it between our things so they wouldn't get
mixed. After the girl had scanned all of my
items, she picked up the "divider," looking it all
over for the bar code so she could scan it. Not
finding the bar code she said to me, "Do you know how
much this is?" I said to her "I've changed my mind, I
don't think I'll buy that today." She said "OK," and I
paid her for the things and left. She had no clue to
what had just happened.
THREE
A lady at work was seen putting a credit card into her
floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly. When I
inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was
shopping on the Internet and they kept asking
for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM
"thing"
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside
her car. "Do you need some help?" I asked. She
replied, "I knew I should have replaced the battery
to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my
car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant
convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?"
"Hmmm, I dunno. Do you have an alarm,too?" I asked.
"No, just this remote thingy," she answered, handing
it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I
replied, "Why don't you drive over there and check
about the batteries. It's a long walk."
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too
swift. One day she was typing and turned to a
secretary and said, "I'm almost out of typing paper.
What do I do?" "Just use copier machine paper," the
secretary told her. With that, the intern took her
last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the
photocopier and proceeded to make five "blank" copies.
SIX
I was in a car dealership a while ago, when a large
motor home was towed into the garage. The front of the
vehicle was in dire need of repair and the
whole thing generally looked like an extra in
"Twister." I asked the manager what had happened. He
told me that the driver had set the "cruise control"
and then went in the back to make a sandwich.
SEVEN
My neighbor works in the operations department in the
central office of a large bank. Employees in the field
call him when they have problems with their computers.
One night he got a call from a woman in one of the
Branch banks who had this question: "I've got smoke
coming from the back of my terminal. Do you guys have
a fire downtown?"
EIGHT
Police in Radnor, Pa., interrogated a suspect by
placing a metal colander on his head and connecting it
with wires to a photocopy machine.
The message "He's lying" was placed in the copier, and
police pressed the copy button each time they thought
the suspect wasn't telling the truth.
Believing the "lie detector" was working, the suspect
confessed.
NINE
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher
if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room,
the kid was eating ants. The dispatcher tells
her to give the kid some Benadryl and should be fine.
The mother says, "I just gave him some ant killer"
...Dispatcher: RUSH him in to emergency!
"Life is tough. It's tougher if you're stupid."