Last Trip to the Farm

[inyati13]

Dad would turn 91 this month. He died in March. I picked him up at the nursing home in early March for his last trip to the farm. He was on a rebound from the Clostridial bug that he battled. He looked small on the bench seat of the Ford pickup. His face was white and pasty. He held his arms and hands in his lap like they were no longer useful but still attached to a body that had betrayed him. I ask him how he felt. He said, "Not the best." I looked across at him several times as we made the short drive to the farm. He said, "I want to ask you, Ron, have I been a good Dad." I said of course you have, why would you ask me that. I just want to be sure I was a good dad to my kids. I know I could have done better but I hope you kids don't hold anything against me. I said Dad, I talk to all of them and I have never heard anyone of us say you were a bad father. He said, I am 90 years old. I know I won't go much longer. I would like to see Mom and be with my brothers. And I want to see Pop again. I said, "Why would you think you won't?" He was silent for a while and looked straight ahead. With an an effort, he slowly turned his head toward me and said, "I worry that I have been good enough. I have never understood how a God could allow all that goes on. How he could allow little kids to be hurt and hungry. I just always had that in my mind." We were both silent for the rest of the trip.

The preacher who spoke at Dad's funeral said Dad ask him onetime if he was a good man. The preacher said, I told my friend Bob, you may not be the best man but there are none any better.

 

[Kingfisher]

Never regret growing old. It's a privilege denied to many."

 

[pdfangus]

Dad would turn 91 this month. He died in March. I picked him up at the nursing home in early March for his last trip to the farm. He was on a rebound from the Clostridial bug that he battled. He looked small on the bench seat of the Ford pickup. His face was white and pasty. He held his arms and hands in his lap like they were no longer useful but still attached to a body that had betrayed him. I ask him how he felt. He said, "Not the best." I looked across at him several times as we made the short drive to the farm. He said, "I want to ask you, Ron, have I been a good Dad." I said of course you have, why would you ask me that. I just want to be sure I was a good dad to my kids. I know I could have done better but I hope you kids don't hold anything against me. I said Dad, I talk to all of them and I have never heard anyone of us say you were a bad father. He said, I am 90 years old. I know I won't go much longer. I would like to see Mom and be with my brothers. And I want to see Pop again. I said, "Why would you think you won't?" He was silent for a while and looked straight ahead. With an an effort, he slowly turned his head toward me and said, "I worry that I have been good enough. I have never understood how a God could allow all that goes on. How he could allow little kids to be hurt and hungry. I just always had that in my mind." We were both silent for the rest of the trip.

The preacher who spoke at Dad's funeral said Dad ask him onetime if he was a good man. The preacher said, I told my friend Bob, you may not be the best man but there are none any better.

I have known you were pretty sharp.....
But that is the most soulful and moving thing I have ever read from you.....
I like it.....
even if it does have me reflecting on all my failings....

 

[TexasBred]

One perspective:

Angels and men, as intelligent and free creatures, have to journey toward their ultimate destinies by their free choice and preferential love. They can therefore go astray. Indeed, they have sinned. Thus has moral evil, incommensurably more harmful than physical evil, entered the world. God is in no way, directly or indirectly, the cause of moral evil. He permits it, however, because he respects the freedom of his creatures and, mysteriously, knows how to derive good from it.

 

[inyati13]

One perspective:

Angels and men, as intelligent and free creatures, have to journey toward their ultimate destinies by their free choice and preferential love. They can therefore go astray. Indeed, they have sinned. Thus has moral evil, incommensurably more harmful than physical evil, entered the world. God is in no way, directly or indirectly, the cause of moral evil. He permits it, however, because he respects the freedom of his creatures and, mysteriously, knows how to derive good from it.

Thank you for the quote you proffered. My Dad was simple. He was not honed on the stones of philosophical pursuits. That is not to say my dad did not ponder the mysteries that burdened him. The perspective you provide sheds light on a tenet of man's relationship to God that troubled my dad. Thank you for that. But that is not what this is about. It is sometimes enough to simply say what another man said. And nothing more.

 

[cow pollinater]

The fact that he questioned his own worth tells me he was a good one.

 

[inyati13]

The fact that he questioned his own worth tells me he was a good one.

Those are my best recollection of the words he used. But I heard him say things late in his life that told me he was troubled by his thoughts. I believe he was concerned that he might be condemned by his thoughts. Because of his thoughts, he felt unworthy.

 

[Kathie in Thorp]

Thanks so much for sharing that, Inyati13. It must have been hard to write. My hubby had a similar conversation with his Dad a few years ago, on one of those trips to the MO farm property that bro-in-law still farms, and Dad loved to go to help as long as he could. Those conversations are good. FIL passed in May; would have been 101 if he'd lived through yesterday. I have a 4-day weekend coming, so I'm travelling to see my Dad; haven't seen him since Mom's funeral in January. I almost anticipate a same-type conversation.

 

[TexasBred]

One perspective:

Angels and men, as intelligent and free creatures, have to journey toward their ultimate destinies by their free choice and preferential love. They can therefore go astray. Indeed, they have sinned. Thus has moral evil, incommensurably more harmful than physical evil, entered the world. God is in no way, directly or indirectly, the cause of moral evil. He permits it, however, because he respects the freedom of his creatures and, mysteriously, knows how to derive good from it.

Thank you for the quote you proffered. My Dad was simple. He was not honed on the stones of philosophical pursuits. That is not to say my dad did not ponder the mysteries that burdened him. The perspective you provide sheds light on a tenet of man's relationship to God that troubled my dad. Thank you for that. But that is not what this is about. It is sometimes enough to simply say what another man said. And nothing more.

That was the only reason I posted it. You seemed to imply that your dad certainly questioned his own relationship with God

 

[inyati13]

TexasBred, you are a person of substance. I mean that as a high compliment. I appreiated the meaning of your message.

 

[chippie]

I would have liked to have known your Father. Thank you for sharing a special moment with your Dad.

 

[melking]

Thank you inyati13. My dad died at only 47 years old and there are so many things I would have like to tell him. I am glad you got to with your Dad, May he will pass it on to mine when he gets there.

 

[J&D Cattle]

Very well written Ron. Your Dad sounds like a good man and is no doubt smiling down on you regularly.

My Grandfather passed away Tuesday at the age of 91. He suffered a stroke in Feb of 2008 and to say it has been a rough 5 years would be an understament. My pastor told me the grief, relief, and regret would come but to remember that Grandpa had been trapped in his own body for far to long. He is now in Heaven with Grandma and the rest of his family. My 6 year old was full of lots of questions which I welcomed. His face lit up when I told him that Papa would now be able to watch him play baseball for the first time. What a blessing I received having this great man for my Grandpa.