IRS

[Jogeephus]

I got a phone call from the IRS this week. Was just fixing to sit down for supper when a very nice Indian fella called and told me he was with the Internal Revenue Services and they were fixing to file suit against me for back taxes but HE could help me. I told him I just sent them about $20,000 and was just floored that they wanted more. Told him I just couldn't see living anymore. I walked outside the house and stood on the front lawn and told him I was going to just kill myself and I pulled my pistol and fired two rounds. Problem solved. He hung up and I don't think I'll have anymore trouble with the Internal Revenue Services. If anyone needs their hotline try calling 347-741-8228 and ask for Raoul, he's a nice fella.

 

[BobbyLummus1]

:lol:

 

[TN Cattle Man]

:clap: :clap: :clap:
Now why didn't I think of that!! :lol:

 

[ram]

I don't mind paying taxes to much, but it does pizza me off that the deadbeats and dirtballs that won't work get to eat.

 

[fenceman]

:clap: I wonder if raoul wondered why it took two.?

 

[Kingfisher]

You told us earlier you were hungry........low blood sugar can cause grief I suppose.

 

[wacocowboy]

Thanks for the laugh. Had a calf die and I needed a good laugh.

 

[dun]

Neighbor got caught by one of those IRS phonecall scams. I realize this is a joke, but the scammers are always hard at it to get in someones pocket

 

[ga.prime]

Pretty funny. Truth is, IRS notices come in the form of US mail and say something like "send us a check for $$$ or we're taking it".

 

[Jogeephus]

The accent and the word Services gave it away and I knew they only do stuff by mail. My last inconvenience from a telemarketer was someone selling burglar alarms. What a coincidence it was to have this person call me just as someone was breaking in my home .... or so I told the guy. Told him to stay on the phone as I told the would-be burglar to stop and get on the floor .... which he didn't .... resulting in my having to shoot him several times while throwing curses at the low life. This fella hung up when I asked him his name so he could be my witness to the killing.

 

[ga.prime]

:lol2: You're a quick thinker.

 

[Jogeephus]

:lol2: You're a quick thinker.

I wish that were true but unfortunately I just get a lot of these calls and it was only after a dozen or so I came up with this scheme. Them calling my cell phone makes this much easier. I will need more bullets though because I plan on doing something like this to every telemarketer who dares bother me.

 

[lavacarancher]

Pretty quick, Jo. I get those calls from time to time and usually just hang up but your solution is great. Just wish I could get that bullet to travel down the wire. What ever happen to the "no call" lists? Maybe that's the list everybody is using.

 

[SJB]

I had a buddy that was great with telemarketers. He pretended to be a mentally challenged kid that the parents had left home alone, locked in a closet with just a telephone.

They'd try to end the call and he'd ask them "can't you just talk to me a while, they left me here all alone".

It was awesome!

 

[Jogeephus]

After listening to Thomas Mabe, he convinced me to keep them on the phone. As luck had it Dunn and Bradstreet called while this was fresh on my mind and they got to asking all sorts of personal financial questions. The guy on the phone said he had me down as making $150,000/year .... I was shocked and was just about to hang up the phone when I heard Mabe say "keep them on the phone". I said, "say what?" .... telemarketer said .... "is this wrong?" .... I said, "yes, it most certainly is why with the economy booming like it is I'd be surprised if I don't make at least $850,000 this year". Like Mabe suggested, I kept him on the phone and found out what the weather was like in Chicago, how many children the guy had, their names, their pets and their names. We must have talked for 45 minutes thus taking one telemarketer off the phone for said time. I was tickled with myself. Everyone got a big laugh out of it. Until.

About three months went by and we were eating supper and there came a knock on the door. I answered the door to find a deputy standing at the door and he apologized but said he had to serve me some papers and he handed me an 8 inch ream of paper. It was a lawsuit from my X. She was filing contempt of court papers because "she knew I was hiding money from her and she knew I made $850,000/year.

And yes, we ended up going to court but she didn't make out like she had hoped. :lol2:

 

[R.T.]

I told him my bank would call him and setup a funds transfer and I hung up.
Don't you know the poor guy is waiting by the phone now. LOL

 

[Rafter S]

Years ago I had telemarketers call all the time trying to sell me aluminum siding for my house. If I wasn't busy I'd just listen and act fascinated until they'd finally run out of things to say and they'd try to sign me up. I'd say "That all sounds real good, but I'm renting my house and I don't think my landlord would be interested." It wouldn't take them long to hang up.

 

[Jogeephus]

That's good Rafter. Keep em on the phone and burn up their dime and time.

 

[skyhightree1]

I got a phone call from the IRS this week. Was just fixing to sit down for supper when a very nice Indian fella called and told me he was with the Internal Revenue Services and they were fixing to file suit against me for back taxes but HE could help me. I told him I just sent them about $20,000 and was just floored that they wanted more. Told him I just couldn't see living anymore. I walked outside the house and stood on the front lawn and told him I was going to just kill myself and I pulled my pistol and fired two rounds. Problem solved. He hung up and I don't think I'll have anymore trouble with the Internal Revenue Services. If anyone needs their hotline try calling 347-741-8228 and ask for Raoul, he's a nice fella.

:lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

 

[Commercialfarmer]

I like the gun shot, I'll have to see if I can't incorporate that in to my next call. :clap:


I always just waited until they finished their entire spill and asked them to tell me everything one more time. After doing that a couple times, they arent as friendly. Of course because of my head injury, I just can't remember everything they said in the beginning.


Works on lawyers as well. Not pretending to have head trauma, but just making sure you understand every part of every question during a disposition.

You'd think an instrument of the court would want a person under oath to mull things over and provide the most honest answer he could, after fully verifying the question of course. I thought my ex wife's lawyer's red faced, sharp demeanor, and threats were just for show. But mine, busting a gut during a break, assured me it wasn't.

I guess some lawyers value their timeliness over accuracy when they have certain cases they are late to be tending to....

http://www.forbes.com/sites/clareoconno ... 5-billion/ :lol2: