I'm back

[Lammie]

Had the computer out all last week. Got a virus, I guess it was, that maybe you all should watch out for. It was in the disguise of an anti-virus program, which installed itself on the computer, (and would not uninstall! ), then it proceeded to identify ever program I had as a virus. Knocked out the fire wall, too. Anyway, we took it to the guy that replaced the mother board for us. He hasn't gotten to it, to I am using my husband's computer from his home, which he loaned to me for the week. I have a lot of catching up to do.

I also placed both my parents in a skilled nursing facility late last week. It was really really hard, but they were both getting so confused. My mother was imagining things and Dad was getting violent. I was afraid they would hurt each other or someone else, or get lost. Dad didn't know what year it was or how many children he had. He didn't know what month it was. He didn't know who the President is. Mother was able to answer those questions, but she's just very agitated, not sleeping, paranoid.

Maybe they can be there for a while till they get the rights meds. Maybe they will get better and can come home. I don't think so, though. No to live on their own again. I am taking this a day at a time. I don't believe I have ever felt so bad about anything I have done. They are going to evaluate them for Alzheimer's today. Neither had that diagnosis. Maybe there's some medication to help them. They were just so isolated living alone. I hoped that they would learn to like being at the home. They take outings and have activities. They can meet other folks. Maybe some nurse can make a fuss over them a couple times a day and that would tickle them pink.

Just a day at a time is all I can do.

 

[backhoeboogie]

If you need to spill, spill away. That's what we are here for.

You may have saved one or both of their lives.

The nursing facilities monitor them carefully and if anything is amiss, your folks get attention much quicker. You will also know if they had their meds today or not. Or you'll know they didn't double take it because they couldn't remember taking it 20 minutes ago.

Facilites have changed over the years and there is much more activity and interests for folks there now with all the programs offered.

I think it is harder on country folks who are used to privacy versus the elderly from the city.

My guess is the first month or so will be the toughest for them to adjust and for the nurses to get to know them.

 

[mitch2]

www.memberofthefamily.net

This is a tool that should be used for anyone having people in a nursing facility. This does not include assisted living, as they are not state governed.

Stay on top of your facility, just one change in management and all heck can break loose, and the ones to suffer cannot stand up for themselves.

Michele

 

[bigbull338]

you have had a rough week.an its no fun getting your pc blown out by a virus.then add to it the stress of having to put your mom an dad is a nursing type home.if you need to talk here.we will listen to you.

 

[kerley]

Welcome back Lammie. I was wondering where you were. Sorry about your parents. You are a good daughter and although the ordeal is heartbreaking, sometimes It's best. Tom

 

[3waycross]

Lammie
Good to have you back. sorry about the Virus. Sounds like you did the right thing with your parents, at the very least maybe kept them from hurting themselves or someone else.

 

[Lammie]

Not sure why you would need to replace the mother board over a virus. I have never had to do that in my 20-30 some odd years of computer experience. All you have to do is format windows and reinstall it. Only reason you would need to replace the mother board would be if it fried. Sounds like feller is ripping you off.

The mother board was replaced a few months back. I took it to the Geek Squad first and they told me. I don't like to mess with my own computer maintenance, other than routine stuff, so I sent it back to the guy. I trust him more than I do the Geek Squad and he's a lot less expensive. All they do, I am convinced, is tell you that you need another computer or charge you enough that you could have bought another one.

He was just going to clean it up for me this time. It was frozen up and there was little I felt comfortable doing to it.

Thanks everyone, for your kind words. I am about to go visit. Mom was just hateful yesterday, and the day before... I guess I can't blame her. The whole thing was kinda ugly.

 

[peg4x4]

Oh,Lammie-I'm so sorry...Had to do the same thing a few years ago. The thing is,it's like your parents have been taken over by other entities-they look like the people you love,but they're just not them..
Have courage,you did the right thing. Lots of love to you :heart: :heart:

 

[cattleluvr18]

i work as a nursing assistant in a nursing home. i get to see how hard everything is for the residents and their families. i would say about 99% of the residents are perfectly happy though once they get used to the arragement. hopefully once everything settles down you will feel better. from what you say they should be much safer. knowing that will hopefully make you relax some.

i feel like im saying all the wrong things. maybe because its a tender subject...

good luck with it all. and dont worry about your computer. im sure they're fixing it up fine. i got mine tuned up a couple weeks ago and love it more than ever

 

[cfpinz]

Thanks everyone, for your kind words. I am about to go visit. Mom was just hateful yesterday, and the day before... I guess I can't blame her. The whole thing was kinda ugly.

We had to put my grandmother in one when she was in her late 80's/early 90's. First month or so she wasn't very enthused. Never heard such words come out of her til then. Granny was under 5' and 85lbs soaking wet, in a wheelchair her last few years. Nurses said one night her and her roommate (also in a wheelchair) rolled up newspapers and kept whacking each other. Amusing in hindsight.

 

[Lammie]

I really appreciate everyone's kind words. I am glad to hear from someone who works at a home. That makes me feel better.

I don't think I will go back for a few days. I think I made things worse rather than better. I ended up just telling them goodbye and leaving. I even had my son with me and they acted the same way. I know they don't mean it, but they really tried, and succeeded, in making me feel like crap. I know that it's hard, though, and that I might feel the same way.

I did stop and get a big assortment of candies for the staff and left them a thank you note for their patience. I think I am gonna do that pretty frequently, so that they might remember Mom and Dad. I know Mom's putting them through he77 right now.

 

[Jalopy]

Lammie, sorry to hear about the tough decision you had to make for your folks. I am sure it was not easy and will not be easy for a while but you did it for the right reason-their safety. Hopefully they will settle into their new life and that will make it easier for them and you and your family. God Bless and Good Luck-JLP

 

[VanC]

My heart goes out to you, Lammie. I can't imagine the pain you are going through right now. Never had to do that with my parents, at least not yet, but I remember when my Mom and Aunt had to put Grandpa in a home. Very hard for all involved. Wish I could do something for you.

 

[Fred Belknap]

Lammie I had to put my mom in a nursing home the last seven years of her life. She had alzhimer (sp) and my step dad died and there was no one to take care of her. I tried getting someone to stay with her but they didn't stay very long. I had a lot of guilt when I first put her there but in retrospect it was better for her and me. After a while she considered it home and was quite happy. She loved the girls that worked there. With my permission they would give her little jobs to do and that seemed to help her as she had been a hard worker all her life. It's not easy but it is neccessary.
Fred

 

[Lammie]

Lammie I had to put my mom in a nursing home the last seven years of her life. She had alzhimer (sp) and my step dad died and there was no one to take care of her. I tried getting someone to stay with her but they didn't stay very long. I had a lot of guilt when I first put her there but in retrospect it was better for her and me. After a while she considered it home and was quite happy. She loved the girls that worked there. With my permission they would give her little jobs to do and that seemed to help her as she had been a hard worker all her life. It's not easy but it is neccessary.
Fred

When you first put her in, was she really confused and angry? My parents are confused and angry, but at the same time, they are clever in a way, as they know our strengths and weaknesses and try to exploit them. They got good at Divide and Conquer for a while, until we all started talking about our visits and experiences to one another. I have a brother and a sister. My brother was a real help when they were home, mowing the grass, fixing things and coming up there when called. I took care of appointments and errands. My sister is a nurse, so the medical stuff was up to her. I thought we had all the bases covered but it was not enough.

I just want them to try and like being there. I know that won't happen as long as they are in separate rooms, but that will be fixed this week. They had to make sure they weren't going to hurt one another. That, and Mom has been giving Dad Nitro pills for every little thing, and the staff have confiscated them from here twice now. (Where is she getting them????)

Should I continue to visit if they are going to just get agitated or should I give it a little time. I wasn't planning to go back until the 24th, Mom's birthday. I gotta tell you, it's hard to go there and see them get all undone and undignified in front of everyone. I know they need visitors, but I don't want to upset them. I don't want to feel sorry for myself because they are the ones going through this change. I get to go back to my home at the end of the day.

 

[larryshoat]

Lammie, sorry about the computer, I've been there and if I could get my hands on the people that do that kind of thing while I'm having trouble it would not be good for them .

You are doing the right thing for your parents, making the tough call, that's what people of integrity do, but it's not easy . You're a good daughter . I'm praying for them to adjust and for your strength.

Larry

 

[cattleluvr18]

I did stop and get a big assortment of candies for the staff and left them a thank you note for their patience. I think I am gonna do that pretty frequently, so that they might remember Mom and Dad. I know Mom's putting them through he77 right now.

the staff will love that. if the staff there is anything like the people i work with they honestly probably dont mind your mom as much as you might think. they should be very understanding of the situation. they really stressed that in training is to be understanding of the patient and his needs. and if the nurses are having trouble, they're probably in the wrong career field.

take some time for yourself lammie, you sound like you deserve it.

 

[Red Bull Breeder]

Sorry to here about your troubles Lammie and I am not talking about your computer. Hate to here stories like yours but i have elderly parents and may be facing it myself soon. God Bless you and yours.

 

[flaboy]

Welcome back Lammie. Prayers to your folks.

 

[Fred Belknap]

Lammie I had to put my mom in a nursing home the last seven years of her life. She had alzhimer (sp) and my step dad died and there was no one to take care of her. I tried getting someone to stay with her but they didn't stay very long. I had a lot of guilt when I first put her there but in retrospect it was better for her and me. After a while she considered it home and was quite happy. She loved the girls that worked there. With my permission they would give her little jobs to do and that seemed to help her as she had been a hard worker all her life. It's not easy but it is neccessary.
Fred

When you first put her in, was she really confused and angry? My parents are confused and angry, but at the same time, they are clever in a way, as they know our strengths and weaknesses and try to exploit them. They got good at Divide and Conquer for a while, until we all started talking about our visits and experiences to one another. I have a brother and a sister. My brother was a real help when they were home, mowing the grass, fixing things and coming up there when called. I took care of appointments and errands. My sister is a nurse, so the medical stuff was up to her. I thought we had all the bases covered but it was not enough.

I just want them to try and like being there. I know that won't happen as long as they are in separate rooms, but that will be fixed this week. They had to make sure they weren't going to hurt one another. That, and Mom has been giving Dad Nitro pills for every little thing, and the staff have confiscated them from here twice now. (Where is she getting them????)

Should I continue to visit if they are going to just get agitated or should I give it a little time. I wasn't planning to go back until the 24th, Mom's birthday. I gotta tell you, it's hard to go there and see them get all undone and undignified in front of everyone. I know they need visitors, but I don't want to upset them. I don't want to feel sorry for myself because they are the ones going through this change. I get to go back to my home at the end of the day.

My moms short term memory was so bad that if you went out of the room and then came back in she would forget you had been there. She was quite clever in covering up her problem. Some one she had know for years would visit and she would talk real normal but as soon as they left she would ask who they were. She was bad to wonder off and how to get around the security at the nursing home. My guess is your folks will be happier if they make friends at the home. They need to feel useful or at least not a burden and helpless. Hope things get better for you.
Fred