Three friends from the local congregation were asked "When you're in
your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
=======
Bruce climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
God. Looking up, he asks the Lord . "God, what does a million
years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Bruce asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Bruce then asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
=======
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to
me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In
fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What
do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now,
tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
=======
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
=======
John was on his death bed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
request, Dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Sam."
"But I thought you hated Sam," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
=======
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can this be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replies, "Take the poison".
your casket, and friends and congregation members are mourning over you,
what would you like them to say?"
Artie said: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful husband, a fine
spiritual leader, and a great family man."
Eugene commented: "I would like them to say I was a wonderful teacher
and servant of God who made a huge difference in people's lives."
Don said: "I'd like them to say, "Look, he's moving!"
=======
Bruce climbs to the top of Mt. Sinai to get close enough to talk to
God. Looking up, he asks the Lord . "God, what does a million
years mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A minute."
Bruce asks, "And what does a million dollars mean to you?"
The Lord replies, "A penny."
Bruce then asks, "Can I have a penny?"
The Lord replies, "In a minute."
=======
A man goes to a shrink and says, "Doctor, my wife is unfaithful to
me. Every evening, she goes to Larry's bar and picks up men. In
fact, she sleeps with anybody who asks her! I'm going crazy. What
do you think I should do?"
"Relax," says the Doctor, "take a deep breath and calm down. Now,
tell me, exactly where is Larry's bar?"
=======
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a curse he has
been living with for the last 40 years.
The Wizard says "Maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words
that were used to put the curse on you."
The old man says without hesitation, "I now pronounce you man and wife."
=======
John was on his death bed and gasped pitifully. "Give me one last
request, Dear," he said. "Of course, John," his wife said softly.
"Six months after I die," he said, "I want you to marry Sam."
"But I thought you hated Sam," she said.
With his last breath John said, "I do!"
=======
A man goes to see the Rabbi. "Rabbi, something terrible is happening
and I have to talk to you about it."
The Rabbi asked, "What's wrong?"
The man replied, "My wife is poisoning me."
The Rabbi, very surprised by this, asks, "How can this be?"
The man then pleads, "I'm telling you, I'm certain she's poisoning me,
what should I do?"
The Rabbi then offers, "Tell you what. Let me talk to her, I'll see
what I can find out and I'll let you know."
A week later the Rabbi calls the man and says, "Well, I spoke to your
wife. I spoke to her on the phone for three hours. You want my advice?"
The man said yes and the Rabbi replies, "Take the poison".
