TexasBred
Well-known member
"Thanksgiving, 1972. After the death of my mother, earlier that year, my father had begun to date his high school sweetheart. They married and it was going to be the first Thanksgiving for the two combined families. Probably 25-30 people were there. At the head of the two tables were the matriarch and the patriarch of the families. My Grandmother, 90 years old, and the father of my step-mother, 91. What a great meal we had. Very traditional and delicious. We were all "stuffed". After dessert, we were all going to sit around the wood stove and chat. Grandpa got up from the table and, with his cane began to amble over to the couch. About half way he dropped to the floor. I believe, to this day, that he was dead before he hit the floor. Needless to say, the party was over. Family, turkey, dessert and death. There's a recipe for "Thanksgiving Horror"."
"God, where do I start? Maybe my grandmother telling me, "It looks like you've put on some weight" as I was about to dig into the stuffing. Or the year the candied yams spilled all over my feet in the car on the way to dinner. Or last year, when I had too much fun the night before and not even the bands in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could rival the one pounding inside my head …"
"Katy's parents, both Michigan alumni, were among the many to have experienced "the giblet phenomenon," but allegations were also made that one family member dropped a turkey on the ground last year and then tried to act nonchalant in the hopes that no one would notice. The accused did not make a statement regarding the alleged incident. Katy's father, Steve Larson, generously provided a tip on how to avoid overcooking a turkey.
"The way to tell if a turkey is done," says Larson, "is that you put a cup of popcorn inside the turkey, and when the popcorn pops up and blows out his a$$, he's done."
"…My grandmother was drinking gin while she was making the dressing. That's her favorite drink. So that's what happens when you drink gin and make dressing for Thanksgiving - people get sick. That's the moral to the story."
From the Butterball Turkey Talk Line, Director Mary Clingman, in Downers Grove, Ill:
"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.
Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey.
A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.
Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!
Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.
"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.
"God, where do I start? Maybe my grandmother telling me, "It looks like you've put on some weight" as I was about to dig into the stuffing. Or the year the candied yams spilled all over my feet in the car on the way to dinner. Or last year, when I had too much fun the night before and not even the bands in the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade could rival the one pounding inside my head …"
"Katy's parents, both Michigan alumni, were among the many to have experienced "the giblet phenomenon," but allegations were also made that one family member dropped a turkey on the ground last year and then tried to act nonchalant in the hopes that no one would notice. The accused did not make a statement regarding the alleged incident. Katy's father, Steve Larson, generously provided a tip on how to avoid overcooking a turkey.
"The way to tell if a turkey is done," says Larson, "is that you put a cup of popcorn inside the turkey, and when the popcorn pops up and blows out his a$$, he's done."
"…My grandmother was drinking gin while she was making the dressing. That's her favorite drink. So that's what happens when you drink gin and make dressing for Thanksgiving - people get sick. That's the moral to the story."
From the Butterball Turkey Talk Line, Director Mary Clingman, in Downers Grove, Ill:
"We got a call from a guy last year whose turkey wouldn't fit in his pan. He wrapped it in a towel and stomped on it until it did," Clingman said.
Another caller cut a turkey in half with a chain saw, then worried that oil on the saw might have transferred onto the turkey.
A woman in Colorado who left her turkey outside to keep it frozen realized she couldn't find it when more snow fell.
Home alone, a Kentucky woman was in the doghouse when she called the Butterball Turkey Talk-Line. While preparing the turkey, her Chihuahua jumped into the bird's body cavity and couldn't get out. She tried pulling the dog and shaking the bird, but nothing worked. She and the dog became more and more distraught. After calming the woman down, the Talk-Line home economist suggested carefully cutting the opening in the cavity of the turkey wider. It worked and Fido was freed!
Then there's the time a lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but couldn't find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied, "No ma'am, they're dead."
Kathy Bernard with the U.S. Department of Agriculture's Meat and Poultry Hotline in Beltsville, Md., said a caller last year wanted to make her bird inside a roasting bag, but didn't have one, so had improvised.
"She pulled a dry cleaning bag off her husband's suit, and it melted onto the bird," Bernard said.
