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GETTING OLD

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la4angus

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Jan 31, 2004
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Getting Old
> >
> >
> >
> > The cardiologist's diet: if it tastes good, spit it out.
> >
> > Maybe it's true that life begins at sixty. But everything else
> starts
> > to wear out, fall out, or spread out.
> >
> > There are three signs of old age. The first is your loss of memory,
> > the other two I forget.
> >
> > You're getting old when you don't care where your spouse goes, just
> as
> > long as you don't have to go along.
> >
> > Old age is when work is a lot less fun and fun a lot more work.
> >
> > Statistics show that at the age of seventy, there are five women to
> > every man. Isn't that the darndest time for a guy to get those odds?
> >
> > You know you're getting on in years when the girls at the office
> start
> > confiding in you.
> >
> > Old age is when it takes longer to rest than to get tired.
> >
> > By the time a man is wise enough to watch his step, he's too old to
> go
> > anywhere.
> >
> > Old age is when you have stopped growing at both ends, and have
> begun
> > to grow in the middle.
> >
> > Of course I'm against sin; I'm against anything that I'm too old to
> > enjoy.
> >
> > Billy Graham has described heaven as a family reunion that never
> ends.
> > What must hell possibly be like? Home videos of the same reunion?
> >
> > A man has reached old age when he is cautioned to slow down by his
> > doctor instead of by the police.
> >
> > Being a senior adult is having a choice of two temptations and
> > choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
> >
> > You know you're into old age when you realize that caution is the
> only
> > thing you care to exercise.
> >
> > At my age, "getting a little action" means I don't need to
take a
> > laxative.
> >
> > Don't worry about avoiding temptation. As you grow older, it will
> > avoid you.
> >
> > The aging process could be slowed down if it had to work its way
> > through Congress.
> >
> > You're getting old when getting lucky means you find your car in the
> > parking lot.
> >
> > You're getting old when you're sitting in a rocker and you can't get
> > it started.
> >
> > You're getting old when you wake up with that morning-after feeling,
> > and you didn't do anything the night before.
> >
> > Doctor to patient: I have good news and bad news: the good news is
> > that you are not a hypochondriac.
> >
> > It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.
> >
> > You know you're getting old when you stop buying green bananas.
> >
> > Last Will and Testament: Being of sound mind, I spent all my money.
> >
>
 

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