Tommy Ruyle
Well-known member
Forrest Gump dies and goes to Heaven. He arrives at the Pearly Gates, which are closed, and is met by St. Peter himself.
"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you." St. Peter says. "We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've set an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can go to Heaven."
"It shor is good to be here, St. Peter sir," Forrest replies. "But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope that test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it is."
"Yes, I know, Forrest," St. Peter goes on, "but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up.
"Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over," he says, "tell me your answers."
Forrest replies, "Well, the first one: which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide.
"Forrest," he exclaims, "that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify. So I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the nextone? How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks," says Forrest. "There's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure," Forrest replies, "its Andy."
"Andy?" exclaims an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replies. "I learnt it from the song. . . 'Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am his own. . .'
St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and says: "Run, Forrest, run."
"Well, Forrest, it's certainly good to see you." St. Peter says. "We have heard a lot about you. I must tell you, though, that the place is filling up fast, and we've set an entrance examination for everyone. The test is short, but you have to pass it before you can go to Heaven."
"It shor is good to be here, St. Peter sir," Forrest replies. "But nobody ever tolt me about any entrance exam. Shor hope that test ain't too hard; life was a big enough test as it is."
"Yes, I know, Forrest," St. Peter goes on, "but the test is only three questions.
First: What two days of the week begin with the letter T?
Second: How many seconds are there in a year?
Third: What is God's first name?"
Forrest leaves to think the questions over. He returns the next day and sees St. Peter who waves him up.
"Now that you have had a chance to think the questions over," he says, "tell me your answers."
Forrest replies, "Well, the first one: which two days in the week begin with the letter "T"? Shucks, that one's easy. That'd be Today and Tomorrow."
The Saint's eyes open wide.
"Forrest," he exclaims, "that's not what I was thinking, but you do have a point, and I guess I didn't specify. So I'll give you credit for that answer. How about the nextone? How many seconds in a year?"
"Now that one's harder," says Forrest, "but I thunk and thunk about that and I guess the only answer can be twelve."
Astounded, St. Peter says, "Twelve? Twelve? Forrest, how in Heaven's name could you come up with twelve seconds in a year?"
"Shucks," says Forrest. "There's gotta be twelve: January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd. . ."
"Hold it," interrupts St. Peter. "I see where you're going with this, and I see your point, though that wasn't quite what I had in mind.....but I'll have to give you credit for that one, too. Let's go on with the third and final question. Can you tell me God's first name?"
"Sure," Forrest replies, "its Andy."
"Andy?" exclaims an exasperated and frustrated St. Peter. "OK, I can understand how you came up with your answers to my first two questions, but just how in the world did you come up with the name Andy as the first name of God?"
"Shucks, that was the easiest one of all," Forrest replies. "I learnt it from the song. . . 'Andy walks with me. Andy talks with me. Andy tells me I am his own. . .'
St. Peter opens the Pearly Gates and says: "Run, Forrest, run."
