Equine New Year's Resolutions

[CattleAnnie]

A few chuckles for all ages.
~

New Year's Resolutions for Horses


1. * I will NOT roll in streams or try to roll when my human is on my back.

2. * I will NOT leap over large nonexistent obstacles when the whim strikes.

3. * I will NOT walk faster on the way home than I did on the way out.

4.* I promise also NOT to choose that particular time to answer nature's call.

5. * I will NOT bite my farrier's butt just because it is there.

6. * I will NOT confuse my human's blond hair for really soft hay.

7. * I will NOT wipe green slime down the back of my human's white shirt.

8 . * I will NOT blow my nose on my human.

9.* I CAN walk and potty at the same time. I can, I can, I can.

10.* I will NOT stop and potty every time I pass the same spot in the arena.

11.* I will NOT leave when my rider falls off.

12.* My stall is NOT my litter box. When I have free access to my paddock, I will NOT go back inside to potty.

13.* I will NOT try to mooch goodies off every human within a 1 mile radius.

14.* I will NOT lay totally flat out in my stall with my eyes glazed over and my legs straight out and pretend I can't hear my human frantically screaming, "Are you asleep?"

15.* I will NOT chase the ponies into the electric fence to see if it is on.

16.* I will promise NEVER to dump the wheelbarrow of manure over while a human is mucking my stall.

17.* I will NOT grab my lead rope in my mouth and attempt to lead myself.

18 . * I will NOT have an attitude problem. I won't, I won't, I won't!

19.* I will NOT pull my new shoes off the very next day just to prove that I can.

20.* I am neither a beaver nor a carpenter. I promise I won't eat or remodel the barn or the new fences.

21.* I WILL forgive my human for the very bad haircut, even though I look like a freak.

22.* I WILL accept that not every carrot is for me.

23.* I will NOT do the Arab Teleport Trick when a bad/naughty/awful Horsasaurus Monster breathes at me.

24.* I will NOT jump in the air and turn 180 degrees every time I see a bicycle.

25. * I will understand that bicycles are NOT carnivorous.

26.* I will NOT shy at familiar objects just for fun.

27.* I will NOT bite the butt of the horse in front of me during the trail ride just to say "Hi".

28 . * I WILL put my ears forward and cooperate when it comes to photos.

Take care.

 

[WestieGirl]

Missed a couple...

-I will not do the stop and shake everytime I am rode just to see if my rider is still awake, and able to handle an abrupt stop and then the shake and not fall off.

-I will not behave for the beginning half of the ride, only to turn crazy at the midway point and try to buck off my rider everytime anything faster then a walk or trot is expected of me....I can behave for an entire ride....I think I can, I think I can...

 

[msscamp]

CattleAnnie, those are great - especially #15. :lol2: :lol2: :lol2:

PS Exactly what is the Arab Teleport Trick?

 

[born2run]

I will not behave for the beginning half of the ride, only to turn crazy at the midway point and try to buck off my rider everytime anything faster then a walk or trot is expected of me....I can behave for an entire ride....I think I can, I think I can...

Westie...sounds like you have a horse similar to my Appy! Accept lately I've began to get skeptical when she volunteers to canter on her own. Usually means she's planning something, like a random buck or bolt at the far end of the arena.

 

[CattleAnnie]

Scamp,

The only thing I can figure that an 'Arab Teleport' might be is that fifteen foot sideways leap that darn near any horse can/will make the moment you're least expecting it (usually in conjunction to them espying a grouse, plastic bag, or 'horse-a-saurus-).

This usually coincides with the moment you turn slightly in the saddle to look over your shoulder...making the whole athletic endeavour truly interesting to the rider as they attempt to stay with 'Teleporting' beast.


Take care.

 

[msscamp]

Annie, I wondered if that might not be it. Either that or that nimble maneuver of leaping sideways, dashing backwards, and executing that 45 degree turn at the same time! :roll: Thanks for answering!

PS The existance of the Horsasauraus Monter explains a lot of their behavior as well! :lol: :lol:

 

[WestieGirl]

Yah the Dunnie..I am certain has one heck of an Appy'tude sometimes....and it is worse when he has been hanging out with is appy girl!!!

And don't worry I am able to make statements about Appy's like this...I have owned a couple and my Dunnie has been best friends with a few..and me with their owners!! So yah I know the Appy'tude!! :lol:

 

[germancowgirl]

I love them!
Another one: I will NOT akt like a freaking maniak every time a strange person shows up and my owner said:"O, he is the calmest horse in the world....."