Disappointed and Hurt

[I luv herfrds]

Before grandma died we had discussed these wardrobes that a family friend had custom built for her house.
I loved them.
Grandma had said if the house is sold and going to be torn down I could have them. If it was going to be lived in and the people didn't want them then I should have them.

I had talked to my uncle about it, he was the one handling the will. He said he wasn't sure if we could get them apart and out. Hubby looked at them and said he could get them apart and re-assemble them at our place.
Uncle told me that the house would have to be sold with closets to have the 3 rooms classified as bedrooms. Hubby and I offered to come down remove the wardrobes and build closets in these bedrooms. Uncle said they couldn't be just regular closets because the wardrobes are set up to be storage too.
Told him we would get closet organizers for them.

He said he would let us know.

Found out last night that the house has been sold and all the paperwork completed last week and too bad about the wardrobes.

I'm going down for my high school reunion next weekend and I plan to stop by and talk to the guy who bought the house. even if I cannot have them hopefully he will let me measure them so hubby could make me matching ones.

 

[backhoeboogie]

Sorry to hear this!

It seems this happens to often to folks

 

[Alan]

ILH, sorry you didn't get your wardrobes, but I'm getting old enough I'm starting to go through a few probates. I have never handled one but have been close enough to a few to know what a pain in the neck they can be.

The last was a simple will three kids split everything, my 74 year old mom was one of the three. When the my uncle started going through the records he saw that my 50 yr old druggie cousin had milked him for 23k in the last 6 months. He was so pizzed, he just flew through the probate and shared nothing with anyone except the three.

Another case is; we bought our original 16+ acres a few years back when we did we had a family living in an older house just downhill from us, they moved out soon after we get there. I went to the county and got the name and address of the owner, i wrote to him asking for the opportunity to buy the adjacent property. Long story short, it was in probate, they were all relocated to Colorado, his BIL was handling the probate, he had spent nearly 9 months trying to make 6 kids and numerous grandkids happy .... He got my letter and said f... It, sold my wife and me 52 connecting acres with the house for 130k (half the market value) just to get the probate done.

I truly am sorry you didn't get you wardrobes, my point is people really get ugly when dealing with shares of dead folks money.

Alan

 

[Howdyjabo]

I also have done some probates
you have no idea what he was going thru trying to get it done.
I'd never do it again if I had a choice.
It got to the point that I didn't care about anyones wants- there was no way I could make everyone happy. There were a couple of things I could have done special for one or two that I really wanted to do. But I couldn't meet the unreasonable demands of others- and there was NO WAY to make them understand how unreasonable they were being. So to be even I had to ignore what EVERYONE wanted and go by the book. I went to the ones that I wanted to help and explained my situation, they were understanding.
That may be what your Uncle did wrong- he should have talked to you about it
Or.............. you may have been one of the unreasonable ones.......... and didn't even know it.
You just don't know what he was going thru if you didn't have an honest talk with him.

Talk to him again, really talk to him. Its not worth having family problems over if he was just overwhelmed and trying to dump complications and if you are honest with yourself what you wanted WAS a complication.

And as far a verbal bequeaths -- I had three all saying they were told they could have the same thing
To ignore one "bequeaths" I had to ignore them ALL-- across the board.

 

[TexasBred]

Amen on the verbals. Any of those you had went up in smoke the minute grandma passed on. Only thing legit after that was the will. Please don't blame the Uncle. He might could have done more but then that might have been what it took to make the sale. As Howdy said, probate is not enjoyable.

 

[I luv herfrds]

What makes me hurt the most is he didn't bother to call and tell me the house sold.

I do not think I was being unresonable about them. We had discussed if the new owner wanted them, then fine. It would have made me sad, but I understood that issue.
I would have asked him to at least get me the measurements or ask the new owner if they would get them so we could build copies of them.

We were willing to bend over backwards to build new closets with storage in them if he had given us the go ahead. This would have been out of our own pocket not theirs.

Yeah I know about probates. Hubby and I did both his folk's. Luckily he was the only child so no fighting.


The family had gathered the day after the funeral to discuss what was on Grandma's list, but since my family had been asked to leave; my mother was sick; I was given the choice to get the things Grandma had promised me.
I kept asking if anybody wanted an item I asked for. everyone said no. I was pulled aside by my aunt and told that some of the things I picked someone else might have wanted them.
After that I got my kid's pictures I had sent Grandma over the years and we left.
I did meet my uncle a week later and got the pictures I had wanted of my Grandfathers and Grandma's. He said he would let me know what happens.

 

[Howdyjabo]

Just go talk to the new owners-
if nothing else they would probably let you get the measurements.
If you are lucky- they hate the cabinets and will pay you to replace them

 

[I luv herfrds]

I'm not going to hold my breath on getting them, but if I can at least get the measurements hubby has promised to build them, if not I know a custom shop that will do it. ;-)
Another sneak plan. :lol2: Hubby has a bad habit of promising to build or do something and not get it done, so I learned to hire it out when he is gone on a trip or something, he hates leaving me at home alone with the checkbook. :lol2: :lol2:

 

[Howdyjabo]

I do that one too
Only I don't wait till he leaves

 

[I luv herfrds]

Thought you guys might like to see them. I took these pictures a couple years ago because hubby couldn't remember what they looked like.

Grandma's room

Guest rooms, there are 2 of these

 

[Ryder]

Hubby has a bad habit of promising to build or do something and not get it done, so I learned to hire it out when he is gone on a trip or something, he hates leaving me at home alone with the checkbook. :lol2: :lol2:

He certainly had every intention of doing these things. :nod: He just hadn't got around to it yet.
Just be patient. :lol:

 

[I luv herfrds]

6 years waiting for a chicken house gets a little old Ryder. Especially when the supplies to build it are sitting in a shed gathering dust.

 

[john250]

6 years waiting for a chicken house gets a little old Ryder. Especially when the supplies to build it are sitting in a shed gathering dust.

12 years waiting for a chicken house is the only thing better.

 

[MO_cows]

I'll see your 12 years of waiting for a chicken house and raise you 25 years waiting for an ice maker to be hooked up. That fridge is out in the garage now, the ice maker has never been used. The new fridge, he hooked up the ice maker immediately under threat of the "Til death do us part" clause". (Because in case you never noticed, nothing is said about the CAUSE of death. just sayin......)

ILH, I am sorry about your loss. Me and my father got shafted out of all the family photo's and momentos, not to mention a lot of money, because my grandfather died first in his 3rd marriage and the widow's family were vultures.

This stuff happens all the time. I very much admired my husband's family, with 5 kids and numerous grand-kids, and when both his mom and dad died, things were very calm and civil and for the most part very fairly handled with no probate fees or lawyer fees. And most important, no hard feelings.

 

[john250]

I'll see your 12 years of waiting for a chicken house and raise you 25 years waiting for an ice maker to be hooked up. That fridge is out in the garage now, the ice maker has never been used..

The longer these things get "put off" the better for everyone. Chicken house gets built--you get chickens. It is all down hill from there. Ice maker is a tool of the devil. You can have an abundance of ice; in January. Look for ice between Feb and Dec and you are out of luck. Better off to remove the ice maker and gain the freezer space.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Talked a friend of ours tonight. I haven't talked with him for quite awhile. Told him what happened with my family and what was said. He told me that yes they were upset because I picked a few items that others wanted, but didn't have the guts to ask me for.

I did forget one thing I would have liked. The pot that grandma made her clam chowder and her apple sauce in. I think my oldest sister got it, but I'm not sure. I hope she did and uses it.
No one else remembers it though.

Another reason I think they were not happy with me is I was her favorite granddaughter.
I never told her she needed to go into a nursing home and told her I would kidnap her if the family put her in one.
Called her every weekend just to talk.
when we would go down for a visit I would bring her fresh eggs and small packages of frozen food so she could have some of the dishes she taught me to cook. Yes she would tell me if it was too salty or too sweet or just not quite how she made it.
Loved the homemade cards I made for her. My mother told me to go to the store and buy them instead of wasting my time making them. I forgot to get the ones i made her.
Flowers for her birthday, mothers day, Christmas and other days.
She was always there for me and I tried to be for her too.
It's Friday night. I always called her on Friday, she always said she knew it was me calling because it was Friday.

 

[Howdyjabo]

Hon-- I don't think your REAL issue is the cabinet
I think you miss your Grandma and feel like the others don't value your personal connection to grandma as much as they could(should).

You were a great granddaughter-- you don't need anyone but Grandma to have recognized it. And I am sure she did.
Let this go and cherish your memories- thats her gift to you that the others may have missed out on.

 

[alisonb]

Sorry for your loss ILH. Cherish the memories, material goods are no equivalent!

 

[melking]

Hon-- I don't think your REAL issue is the cabinet
I think you miss your Grandma and feel like the others don't value your personal connection to grandma as much as they could(should).

You were a great granddaughter-- you don't need anyone but Grandma to have recognized it. And I am sure she did.
Let this go and cherish your memories- thats her gift to you that the others may have missed out on.

Very well said and right on the money. Grandma knew and that is all that counts

 

[GMN]

Hon-- I don't think your REAL issue is the cabinet
I think you miss your Grandma and feel like the others don't value your personal connection to grandma as much as they could(should).

You were a great granddaughter-- you don't need anyone but Grandma to have recognized it. And I am sure she did.
Let this go and cherish your memories- thats her gift to you that the others may have missed out on.

I agree, its not the things that your Grandma had that you will remember its who she was and the things you did together- :heart: