TexasBred
Well-known member
DIFFERENT WAYS OF LOOKING AT THINGS
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A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
His father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your Mother, cause I still have mine!'
---------------------------------------------------------
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,'
the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to
give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair,
your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
-------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside,
and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really good with the kids.'
------------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last
40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will
have to tell me the exact words that were used to
put the curse on you.' The old man says without
hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me
how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York
City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,'
the blonde says, and hangs up.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah, until I married her I didn't believe in Hell!'
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse
appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm OK,
but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used
during the surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,'
asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
--------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been
at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get
a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in an intensive care unit!
-----------------------------------------------------
The graveside service had just barely finished when
there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a
tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little
old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there!'
---------------------------------------------------------
A little boy went up to his father and asked:
'Dad, where did my intelligence come from?'
His father replied. 'Well, son, you must have
got it from your Mother, cause I still have mine!'
---------------------------------------------------------
'Mr. Clark, I have reviewed this case very carefully,'
the divorce court Judge said, 'And I've decided to
give your wife $775 a week,' 'That's very fair,
your honor,' the husband said. 'And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself.'
-------------------------------------------------------------
A doctor examining a woman who had been rushed
to the Emergency Room, took the husband aside,
and said, 'I don't like the looks of your wife at all.'
'Me neither doc,' said the husband. 'But she's a
great cook and really good with the kids.'
------------------------------------------------------------
An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can
remove a curse he has been living with for the last
40 years. The Wizard says, 'Maybe, but you will
have to tell me the exact words that were used to
put the curse on you.' The old man says without
hesitation, 'I now pronounce you man and wife.'
---------------------------------------------------------------
Two Reasons Why It's So Hard To Solve A Redneck Murder:
1. The DNA all matches.
2. There are no dental records.
-------------------------------------------------------------
A blonde calls Delta Airlines and asks, 'Can you tell me
how long it'll take to fly from San Francisco to New York
City?' The agent replies, 'Just a minute.' 'Thank you,'
the blonde says, and hangs up.
-----------------------------------------------------------
Moe: 'My wife got me to believe in religion.'
Joe: 'Really?'
Moe: 'Yeah, until I married her I didn't believe in Hell!'
---------------------------------------------------------
A man is recovering from surgery when the surgical nurse
appears and asks him how he is feeling. 'I'm OK,
but I didn't like the four letter-words the doctor used
during the surgery,' he answered. 'What did he say,'
asked the nurse. 'Oops!'
--------------------------------------------------------
While shopping for vacation clothes, my husband
and I passed a display of bathing suits. It had been
at least ten years and twenty pounds since I had
even considered buying a bathing suit, so I sought
my husband's advice. 'What do you think?' I asked.
'Should I get a bikini or an all-in-one?' 'Better get
a bikini,' he replied. 'You'd never get it all in one.'
He's still in an intensive care unit!
-----------------------------------------------------
The graveside service had just barely finished when
there was a massive clap of thunder, followed by a
tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little
old man looked at the pastor and calmly said,
'Well, she's there!'
