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Deciphering Woman Speak

grannysoo

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Fine: This is the word we use at the end of any argument that we feel we are right about but need to shut you up. (NEVER use Fine to describe how a woman looks. This will cause you to have one of those arguments.)

Five minutes: This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it’s an even trade.

Nothing: This means something, and you should be on your toes. Nothing is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backward. Nothing usually signifies an argument that will last Five Minutes and end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead (with raised eyebrows): This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over Nothing and will end with the word Fine.

Go Ahead: (normal eyebrows): This means “I give up” or Do what you want, because I don’t care. You will get a raised eyebrow Go ahead in just a few minutes, followed by Nothing and Fine and she will talk to you in about Five Minutes when she cools off.

A Loud Sigh: This is not actually a word, but is still often a verbal statement very misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over Nothing.

A soft sigh: Again, not a word, but a verbal statement. Soft Sighs are one of the few things that some men actually understand. She is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

Oh: This word followed by any statement is trouble. Example: “Oh, let me get that.” Or, “Oh, I talked to him about what you were doing last night.” If she says Oh before a statement, RUN, do not walk, to the nearest exit. She will tell you that she is Fine when she is done tossing your clothes out the window, but do not expect her to talk to you for at least 2 days. Oh, as the lead to a sentence, usually signifies that you are caught in a lie. Do not try to lie more to get out of it, or you will get raised eyebrows Go ahead followed by acts so unspeakable that we can’t bring ourselves to write about them.

That’s Okay: This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can say to a man. That’s Okay means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you retributions for whatever it is that you have done. That’s Okay is often used with the word Fine and used in conjunction with a raised eyebrow Go ahead. At some point in the near future when she has plotted and planned, you are going to be in some mighty big trouble.

Please Do: This is not a statement; it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance to tell the truth, so be careful, and you shouldn’t get a That’s Okay.

Thanks: A woman is thanking you. Do not faint; just say you’re welcome.

Thanks a lot: This is much different from Thanks. A woman will say, Thanks a lot when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have hurt her in some callous way, and will be followed by the Loud Sigh. Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the Loud Sigh, as she will only tell you Nothing.
 

hillsdown

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So what part do you men find so difficult to understand.. :?

If you all did things right to begin with you wouldn't need translations.. :lol2: :banana:

Good post grannysoo. :tiphat:
 

Lammie

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My favorite Man Speakism's are:

Be there shortly. Means somewhere between twenty minutes and four hours.

I'd do it in a while. He's never going to do it.

Tell me what you really want. LIke he cares...

I'll be out working on the truck. Means "I'll be back in four hours staggering.

I'll get those dishes. Yeah, right. This is a ploy men learn early in life which means that they can outlast you when it comes to looking at those dishes piled up in the sink. He'll ignore it until he runs out of glasses for his tea. Then he will resort to rinsing.
 

backhoeboogie

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Lammie":1w20391o said:
Be there shortly. Means somewhere between twenty minutes and four hours.

Let me translate that one for you:

The wheel is back on the tractor and spud wrenches are the only thing holding it in place for now. Once I got the spuds in, the cell phone (which had been ringing for ten minutes) was answered. I'll get a few bolts in it to secure it. Then I'll drive 21 miles to get that mouse out of the mouse trap for you. Know I cannot tell you exactly what time it will be down to the minute.
 

1982vett

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backhoeboogie":1k01cp1d said:
Lammie":1k01cp1d said:
Be there shortly. Means somewhere between twenty minutes and four hours.

Let me translate that one for you:

The wheel is back on the tractor and spud wrenches are the only thing holding it in place for now. Once I got the spuds in, the cell phone (which had been ringing for ten minutes) was answered. I'll get a few bolts in it to secure it. Then I'll drive 21 miles to get that mouse out of the mouse trap for you. Know I cannot tell you exactly what time it will be down to the minute.
Guess that is the same as being told "I'll be ready in 5 minutes" :lol:
 

grand chaser09

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backhoeboogie":2slnotnu said:
Lammie":2slnotnu said:
Be there shortly. Means somewhere between twenty minutes and four hours.

Let me translate that one for you:

The wheel is back on the tractor and spud wrenches are the only thing holding it in place for now. Once I got the spuds in, the cell phone (which had been ringing for ten minutes) was answered. I'll get a few bolts in it to secure it. Then I'll drive 21 miles to get that mouse out of the mouse trap for you. Know I cannot tell you exactly what time it will be down to the minute.

i could also mean "dad where are you at we have all the cows gethered and in the pens where's the chute??" "calm down i'll be there shortly" he showed up and hour and a half later.
another one "dad, where are you at? it's 8:30 and you said you'd be here shortly at 8. we were supposta be clipping calves by now." "i'm telling ya i'll be there shortly" he showed up at 11.

is it just my dad or is it all men who cannot read a clock? it was 4 yesterday while i wa talking to him and he said he would be there at 3. i told him it was 4. and we had an argument that i ended with Fine and told himNothing was wrong. followed by one of those long Aggitated sighs.
 

Lammie

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Men are born without the ability to read the clock.
 

Limomike

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And I say after all that "ciphering" woman speak... Us men STILL can't figure you all out. :roll:
 

Lammie

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Limomike":1bi6nxde said:
And I say after all that "ciphering" woman speak... Us men STILL can't figure you all out. :roll:

No and that's why you love us so much. If you could figure us out, we'd be one of the boys and not that sweet thang you like to show off for...
 
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