Gale Seddon
Well-known member
slick4591":2p6ytb6y said:
For some odd reason, I really liked this! Now I see all the good stuff I'm missing by not having television.
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For some odd reason, I really liked this! Now I see all the good stuff I'm missing by not having television.
OP
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slick4591
Well-known member
Commercials these days are hit and miss, but mostly a miss. I'd say if you don't have television and you are fine, stay that way.
chrisy
Well-known member
Nesikep":2dupsnli said:
A
Anonymous
Now who said a 3rd boob would be useless????
JustSimmental
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ALACOWMAN
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did that to my grandmaw once,,, she just walked off and left me :cowboy:JustSimmental":3ei4h2rr said:
TexasBred
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JS thanks for dropping in. YOU are the "Joke of the Day".JustSimmental":1wla7uc7 said:
JustSimmental
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That's original TB --good comeback > :bang:
I also want to wish you good luck as your Aggies venture to the SEC.. It was special this year as UT destroyed your Ags in Kyle Field the last time UT and tamu played. Tamu never won a Big 12 CG, never won the South, never did much in the way of football in the BIG XII and maybe playing Vandy, Ole Siss, MissSU, Tenn and some of the other OOC cupcakes like Louisiana Tech and SFA you can make it to another Meineke Bowl OR 2 in the future.
Hook'em Horns --Forever
After All ---WE ARE TEXAS!
UT OWNS tamu. -- LATER
JS
I also want to wish you good luck as your Aggies venture to the SEC.. It was special this year as UT destroyed your Ags in Kyle Field the last time UT and tamu played. Tamu never won a Big 12 CG, never won the South, never did much in the way of football in the BIG XII and maybe playing Vandy, Ole Siss, MissSU, Tenn and some of the other OOC cupcakes like Louisiana Tech and SFA you can make it to another Meineke Bowl OR 2 in the future.
Hook'em Horns --Forever
After All ---WE ARE TEXAS!
UT OWNS tamu. -- LATER
JS
OP
OP
slick4591
Well-known member
Hey, JS! Can I have my thread back? Start your own if you want to fight with someone.
Meanwhile...
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,
"OK, I give up. Where's the dam ship?"
Meanwhile...
A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week, so the magician did the same tricks over and over again.
There was one problem. The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick. Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show "Look, it's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table," or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"
The magician was furious, but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the captain's parrot. Then the ship sank. The magician found himself on a piece of wood in the middle of the sea with, as fate would have it, the parrot.
They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word. This went on for a day and then another and then another.
Finally on the fourth day, the parrot could not hold back and said,
"OK, I give up. Where's the dam ship?"
hillsdown
Well-known member
I am loving this thread even though a couple you have posted Slick actually made me blush . 
I had to share the Dyson one, way too funny .. :lol:
One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad improvement loan." Patty looked incredulously at the frog and said, "I'm sorry, we don't loan money to frogs." To which the frog replied, "I have collateral," as he handed her a small ceramic trinket. Not wanting to be impolite, Patty said, "I don't know. I'll have to talk to the bank manager."
She walked back to the manager's office and said, "There is a frog out here, asking for a lily-pad improvement loan, and this trinket is all he has for collateral." The bank manager picked up the trinket and looked at it carefully. Then smiling he turned to Patty and said, "Why it's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan."
I had to share the Dyson one, way too funny .. :lol: One day while at her job as a bank loan officer, Patty Black, had a frog hop onto her desk and say, "I would like to apply for a lily-pad improvement loan." Patty looked incredulously at the frog and said, "I'm sorry, we don't loan money to frogs." To which the frog replied, "I have collateral," as he handed her a small ceramic trinket. Not wanting to be impolite, Patty said, "I don't know. I'll have to talk to the bank manager."
She walked back to the manager's office and said, "There is a frog out here, asking for a lily-pad improvement loan, and this trinket is all he has for collateral." The bank manager picked up the trinket and looked at it carefully. Then smiling he turned to Patty and said, "Why it's a knick-knack, Patty Black. Give the frog a loan."
hillsdown
Well-known member
A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the other end.
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?" To which she responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!"
By now, the entire bar is staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table. After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes.
She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations." To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200!"
chrisy
Well-known member
Morris and Sadie were out for a walk one day and came across a new thrift shop and thought they would go in and take a look around. While in there Morris came across an old lamp and thought hey this looks like gold, he rubbed the lamp with his sleeve and out popped a Gennie..
the Gennie said 'I can grant you one wish, think hard before you ask'
Morris did just this, he looked around the shop and found a Map of the World. and said to the Gennie....
'See this place on the map pointing to the Middle East, I would like peace harmony, tranquillity, and law and order with all people in the area'
The Gennie said ' I don't think I could grant such a big wish, is there anything else you would like?'
Morris looked around again and said 'Yes...see that young blond over there at the bus stop, make my Sadie look like her'
The Gennie replied 'Show me that map again'
the Gennie said 'I can grant you one wish, think hard before you ask'
Morris did just this, he looked around the shop and found a Map of the World. and said to the Gennie....
'See this place on the map pointing to the Middle East, I would like peace harmony, tranquillity, and law and order with all people in the area'
The Gennie said ' I don't think I could grant such a big wish, is there anything else you would like?'
Morris looked around again and said 'Yes...see that young blond over there at the bus stop, make my Sadie look like her'
The Gennie replied 'Show me that map again'
TexasBred
Well-known member
Who the he77 mentioned football, Big 12 or SEC?? But while we're at it...how many National championships did texas win in all NCAA sports this past year? We won 4. As for the Horns, surely you jest. I don't think UT would even allow you on campus, let alone enroll. Keep tryin tho. Some of your BS is beginning to sound almost believable. Now man up and post some pics of your cattle. Not numbers, not AI sires but real live cattle that belong to you, mom, dad and/or grandparents. NOW...post a joke or ****.JustSimmental":1dpkzzjr said:
cow pollinater
Well-known member
A man answered the knock at the door one evening to find a young deputy sheriff.
"Sir, are you married?" asked the deputy.
"Yes I am" replied the man and produced a picture of his wife apon the deputy's request.
After a careful moment of studying the picture the deputy said "Sir, I hate to inform you but it appears as though your wife has been hit by a large truck."
The man replied "I know it but she's a great cook and she's really good with the kids."
"Sir, are you married?" asked the deputy.
"Yes I am" replied the man and produced a picture of his wife apon the deputy's request.
After a careful moment of studying the picture the deputy said "Sir, I hate to inform you but it appears as though your wife has been hit by a large truck."
The man replied "I know it but she's a great cook and she's really good with the kids."
cow pollinater
Well-known member
A man and his wife were sitting on the porch enjoying a glass of wine.
The wife said "I love you so much I don't know how I'd go on living without you."
The husband asked if it was just the wine speaking.
She said it was her speaking to the wine.
The wife said "I love you so much I don't know how I'd go on living without you."
The husband asked if it was just the wine speaking.
She said it was her speaking to the wine.
hillsdown
Well-known member
cow pollinater":37wmbq9w said:
:lol2: :clap: :clap:
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in the first class section of an airplane..
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading.
A few minutes later, the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet again. As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking even more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your nose and then shuddered violently. Are you OK?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. "I have never heard of that condition before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
OP
OP
slick4591
Well-known member
A husband and wife are shopping in their local Wal-Mart.
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
The husband picks up a case of Budweiser and puts it in their cart.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife.
'They're on sale, only $10 for 24 cans,' he replies.
'Put them back, we can't afford them,' demands the wife, and so they carry on shopping.
A few aisles further on along the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and puts it in the basket.
'What do you think you're doing?' asks the husband.
'It's my face cream. It makes me look sexy and beautiful for you when we're making love,' replies the wife.
Her husband retorts: 'So does 24 cans of Budweiser ... at half the price.'
chrisy
Well-known member
TB say it like it is.... :lol:
Nesikep
Well-known member
Here's another good vacuum cleaner commercial
[youtube]aGb8pMIeY6w[/youtube]
I think I got this one from Married With Children, but I may be wrong
"Why go out for milk when you have the cow at home"
[youtube]aGb8pMIeY6w[/youtube]
I think I got this one from Married With Children, but I may be wrong
"Why go out for milk when you have the cow at home"
