Daily Chuckle

[Ouachita]

Wife just told me that my memory for '80s song lyrics is much better than my memory to fetch her a beer when I go pee.
Pandora is evil.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[Ouachita]

View attachment 19053

This deserves a follow up with some real music.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[coachg]

May have posted this before; if I have please excuse me .

 

[Travlr]

DEA officer stops at a ranch in Texas and talks with an old rancher.
He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for illegally grown dr*gs."
The rancher says, "Okay, but do not go in that field over there," as he points out the location.
The DEA officer verbally explodes saying, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me."
Reaching into his rear pants pocket, he removes his badge and proudly displays it to the rancher.
"See this badge? This badge means I am allowed to go wherever I wish... On any land. No questions asked or answer given. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand? "
The rancher nods politely, apologizes, and goes about his chores.
A short time later, the old rancher hears loud screams and sees the DEA officer running for his life chased by the rancher's big Santa Gertrudis Bull...
With every step, the bull is gaining ground on the officer, and it seems likely that he'll get gored before he reaches safety.
The officer is clearly terrified.
The rancher throws down his tools, runs to the fence, and yells at the top of his lungs...
"Your badge... Show him your badge!"

 

[GoWyo]

A man walks into a psychologist's office wrapped head to toe in transparent cellophane...The psychologist takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

 

[Son of Butch]

A naked man walks into a psychologist's office wrapped head to toe in transparent cellophane...The psychologist takes one look at him and says, "I can clearly see your nuts."

fixed it for ya.... lol

 

[GoWyo]

fixed it for ya.... lol

Well he wouldn't be naked if he was wearing cellophane

 

[Son of Butch]

Well he wouldn't be naked if he was wearing cellophane

IF he's not naked can't see his nuts
your = his
you're = you are

 

[GoWyo]

IF he's not naked can't see his nuts
your = his
you're = you are

It's probably a better joke delivered verbally so the your/you're is ambiguous and the psychologist can both see his nuts and has observed that he is nuts. So there.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[CowboyRam]

 

[Ouachita]

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[MurraysMutts]

View attachment 19337

We really need a "groan" like button...

 

[Peace]

Alternative meanings?

1. ARBITRAITOR - A cook that leaves Arby's to work at McDonald's.

2. BERNADETTE - The act of torching a mortgage

3. BURGLARIZE - What a crook sees through.

4. AVOIDABLE - What a bullfighter tries to do.

5. COUNTERFEITER - Workers who put together kitchen cabinets.

6. LEFT BANK - What the bank robbers did when their bag was full of money.

7. HEROES - What a man in a boat does.

8. PARASITES - What you see from the Eiffel Tower.

9. PARADOX - Two physicians.

10. PHARMACIST - A helper on a farm.

11. RELIEF - What trees do in the spring.

12. RUBBERNECK - What you do to relax your wife.

13. SELFISH - What the owner of a seafood store does.

14. SUDAFED - Brought litigation against a government official.

 

[Named'em Tamed'em]

 

[Rafter S]

I don't know why I just remembered this, but about 30 years ago a coworker was telling me a story about a buddy of his from when he was still living with his parents. This guy liked his beer, and his mother didn't think anyone should drink alcohol. One time he came home in the wee hours, a little unsteady on his feet, and his mother was still up. She took one look at him, shook her head, and with a disgusted tone said "Drunk again."

He happily replied "Yeah mom, me too!"