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D2Cat

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Last Tuesday, President Biden got off of the helicopter in front of the White House carrying a baby piglet under each arm. The squared away Marine guard snaps to attention, salutes, and says: "nice pigs, Sir."

The President replies "These are not pigs, these are authentic Arkansas Razorback Hogs. I got one for Vice President Kamala Harris and I got one for the Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi."

The Marine again snapped to attention, saluted, and said, "Excellent trade, Sir."
 
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D2Cat

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His name was Bubba, he was from Mississippi ... And he needed a loan, So ... he walked into a bank in New York City and asked for the loan Officer. He told the loan officer that he was going to Paris for an International Redneck Festival for two weeks and needed to borrow $5,000; and that he was not a depositor of the bank.

The bank officer told him that the bank would need some form of security for the loan, so the Redneck handed over the keys to a new Ferrari. The car was parked on the street in front of the bank. The Redneck produced the title and everything checked out. The loan officer agreed to hold the car as collateral for the loan and apologized for having to charge 12% interest.

Later, the bank's president and its officers all enjoyed a good laugh at the Redneck from the South for using a $250,000 Ferrari as collateral for a $5,000 loan. An employee of the bank then drove the Ferrari into the bank's private underground garage and parked it.

Two weeks later, the Redneck returned, repaid the $5,000 and the interest of $23.07. The loan officer said, "Sir, we are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out on Dunn & Bradstreet and found that you are a Distinguished Alumni from Ole Miss University, a highly sophisticated investor and Multi-Millionaire with real estate and financial interests all over the world. Your investments include a large number of wind turbines around Sweetwater, Texas.
What puzzles us is, why would you bother to borrow $5,000?"
The good 'ole boy replied, "Where else in New York City can I park my car for two weeks for only $23.07 and expect it to be there when I return?"

His name was BUBBA....
Keep an eye on those southern boys!
Just because we talk funny does not mean we are stupid.
 
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D2Cat

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A woman walked into the kitchen to find her
husband stalking around with a fly swatter

'What are you doing?' She asked.

'Hunting Flies' He responded.

'Oh, Killing any?' She asked.

'Yep, 3 males, 2 Females,' he replied.


Intrigued, she asked. 'How can you tell them apart?'

He responded,
'3 were on a beer can,
2 were on the phone.
 
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D2Cat

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Bubba walked into a doctor's office and the receptionist asked him what he had. Bubba said: 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his name, address, medical insurance number and told him to have a seat.

Fifteen minutes later a nurse's aide came out and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' So she wrote down his height, weight, a complete medical history and told Bubba to wait in the examining room.

A half hour later a nurse came in and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles..' So the nurse gave Bubba a blood test, a blood pressure test, an electrocardiogram, and told Bubba to take off all his clothes and wait for the doctor.

An hour later the doctor came in and found Bubba sitting patiently in the nude and asked Bubba what he had. Bubba said, 'Shingles.' The doctor asked, 'Where?'



Bubba said, 'Outside on the truck.. Where do you want me to unload 'em??'
 
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D2Cat

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Are you a Democrat -
a Republican - or a Southerner ?

Here is a little test that will help you decide.

The answer can be found by posing the following question:

You’re walking down a deserted street with your wife
and two small children.

Suddenly, a Terrorist with a huge knife comes around the corner,
locks eyes with you, screams obscenities, raises the knife, and charges at you…

You are carrying a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP, and you are an expert shot.
You have mere seconds before he reaches you and your family.

What do you do?

THINK CAREFULLY AND THEN SCROLL DOWN:

Democrat’s Answer:

What is a Kimber 1911 cal. 45 ACP?
Does the man look poor or oppressed?
Is he really a terrorist? Am I guilty of profiling?
Have I ever done anything to him that would inspire him to attack Could we run
away?
What about the kids?
Could I possibly swing the gun like a club and knock the knife out of his hand?
What does the law say about this situation?
Does the pistol have appropriate safety built into it?
Why am I carrying a loaded gun anyway, and what kind of message does this send to society and to my children?

Does he definitely want to kill me, or would he be content just to wound me?

Should I call 9-1-1?
Why is this street so deserted?

Can we make this a happier, healthier street that would discourage such
behavior?

I hope they haven’t defunded this city’s police department, yet.
… … … … … … … …

Republican’s Answer:

BANG!

… … … … … … … …

Southerner’s Answer:

BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click… (Sounds of reloading)
BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG!
Click

Daughter: ‘Nice grouping, Daddy!’
'Were those the Winchester Silver Tips or Hollow Points?!

Son: ‘Can I shoot the next one?!’

Wife: 'You are NOT taking that to a taxidermist.
 

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