Daily Chuckle

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A man goes to a funeral and asks the widow, "Mind if I say a word?" She says: "Please do." The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora." The widow replies, "Thanks, that means a lot."
Another man comes up and says, "Mind if I say a word too?" She says, "Please do." The man clears his throat and says, "Bargain." The widow replies, "Thanks, that means a great deal."
Yet another man comes up and asks for the same privilege. The widow thanks him, saying that would be very nice. The man clears his throat and says, "Earth." The widow replies, "Thank you, that means the world."


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An elderly man owned a large farm for several years and he had a large pond on the far end of his property. It was large, and deep enough for swimming, so he fixed it up nice with picnic tables, and some apple and peach trees.

One evening the old farmer decided to go down to the pond. He grabbed a big white bucket to bring back some fruit before starting the long walk to the far side of his property.

As he neared the pond, he heard voices shouting, screaming, and laughing with glee.

As he came closer, he saw it was several young women skinny-dipping in his pond.

He made the women aware of his presence, and they all went to the deep end.

One of the women shouted to him, "We're not coming out until you leave!"

The old man frowned. "I didn't come down here to watch you ladies swim naked."

Holding the bucket up, he said, "I'm here to feed the crocodile."
 
A girl's night out story...

"The other night I was invited out for a night with the "girls". I told my husband that I would be home by midnight, "I promise!"

Well, the hours passed and the margaritas went down way too easily. Around 3 a.m., a bit loaded, I headed for home. Just as I got in the door, the cuckoo clock in the hallway started up and cuckooed 3 times.

Quickly, realising my husband would probably wake up, I cuckooed another 9 times. I was really proud of myself for coming up with such a quick-witted solution.

The next morning my husband asked me what time I got in, I told him "MIDNIGHT"…. he didn't seem pissed off in the least. Whew, I got away with that one!

Then he said "We need a new cuckoo clock." When I asked him why, he said, "Well, last night our clock cuckooed three times, then said "oh $h!t", cuckooed 4 more times, cleared its throat, cuckooed another three times, giggled, cuckooed twice more, and then tripped over the coffee table and farted."
 

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