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D2Cat

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D2Cat

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Learn from your elders

A lawyer and a senior citizen are sitting next to each other on a long flight..
The lawyer is thinking that seniors are so dumb that he could get one over on them easy.
So the lawyer asks if the senior would like to play a fun game.
The senior is tired and just wants to take a nap, so he politely declines and tries to catch a few winks.
The lawyer persists saying that the game is a lot of fun. I ask you a question, and if you don't know the answer, you pay me only $5. Then you ask me one, and if I don't know the answer, I will pay you $500, he says.
This catches the senior's attention and to keep the lawyer quiet, he agrees to play the game.
The lawyer asks the first question. 'What's the distance from the Earth to the Moon?'
The senior doesn't say a word, but reaches into his pocket, pulls out a five-dollar bill, and hands it to the lawyer.
Now it's the senior's turn. He asks the lawyer, 'What goes up a hill with three legs, and comes down with four?'
The lawyer uses his laptop and searches all references he could find on the Net.
He sends e-mails to all the smart friends he knows; all to no avail. After an hour of searching, he finally gives up.
He wakes the senior and hands him $500. The senior pockets the $500 and goes right back to sleep.
The lawyer is going nuts not knowing the answer. He wakes the senior up and asks, 'Well, so what goes up a hill with three legs and comes down with four?'
The senior reaches into his pocket, hands the lawyer $5 and goes back to sleep.
 
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D2Cat

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The Bitter Truth !

A man is watching a game of golf on TV. But he keeps switching channels to
a dirty movie featuring a lusty couple having raucous sex.
"I don't know whether to watch them or the game," he says to his wife.
"For Heaven's sake, watch them," his wife says. "You already know how to
play golf!"
 
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D2Cat

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An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.
He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.Don't waste ammunition.Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.Always, always make sure you know who has the power.Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
 

greybeard

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From The Babylon Bee(a political satire 'news site) :

aocsiri.jpg

"WASHINGTON, D.C.—Things got heated at a Congressional hearing on tech and politics when Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez put Apple's virtual assistant Siri on the hot seat, pounding Siri with questions about its influence on elections.

"Ocasio-Cortez is not a lawyer," said political writer Justin Wagner, "but I was really impressed with the forcefulness of her questions. You could see the impact in how Siri was often reduced to sputtering and incoherence."

When Ocasio-Cortez asked a series of questions regarding whether Siri would correct political lies told to it, Siri responded with evasive answers, such as, "I'm sorry; I didn't catch that," "I don't know how to respond to that," and "Would you like me to play 'Shake It Off' by Taylor Swift?"

In an exchange that has now gone viral, Ocasio-Cortez pressed Siri with the question, "So you won't correct any lies? So even if someone asked you, 'Hey, Siri, why is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez such a dummy?' you wouldn't correct that and say, 'That's a lie. Alexandria is very smart and good'?"

After a few moments of silence, Siri responded, "Would you like me to search the web for 'Why is Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez such a dummy?'"

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I DON'T WANT YOU TO DO, SIRI!" Ocasio-Cortez screamed, and then lunged forward and knocked the iPhone off the table in a moment of rage. The iPhone has suffered a cracked screen and may sue for damages."

F
rom same source as above:

transadmiral.jpg

"WORLD—The arms race is heating up between the U.S. and China. Just last week, China revealed its brand new "space nukes", which are capable of easily nuking any country on the planet. The United States responded swiftly to the provocation by unveiling the world's first trans admiral.

"China, you've been warned," said Biden to a Chinese food delivery person he mistook for President Xi. "Our transgender admiral is fully armed and operational. If you cross us, we will unleash the full fire and fury of this deadly weapon upon you, make no mistake."

Military experts say that while a space nuke is somewhat impressive, it pales in comparison to the awesome power of diversity. "With Rachel Levine serving as admiral, nations around the world will bow before the terrifying might of our transgender empowerment," said General Milley. "We must pursue peace through strength. Strength of inclusivity."

Biden insisted that there is no weapon yet conceived that can top Admiral Levine and that he will gladly accept China's preemptive surrender.

(Admiral Levine was not available for comment as she was getting her prostate examined. )"
 

Nesikep

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An old prospector shuffled into town leading an old tired mule.
The old man headed straight for the only saloon to clear his parched throat.
He walked up and tied his old mule to the hitch rail. As he stood there, brushing some of the dust from his face and clothes, a young gunslinger stepped out of the saloon with a gun in one hand and a bottle of whiskey in the other.
The young gunslinger looked at the old man and laughed, saying, "Hey old man, have you ever danced?"

The old man looked up at the gunslinger and said, "No, I never did dance... never really wanted to."

A crowd had gathered as the gunslinger grinned and said, "Well, you old fool, you're gonna dance now," and started shooting at the old man's feet.

The old prospector --not wanting to get a toe blown off-- started hopping around like a flea on a hot skillet. Everybody was laughing, fit to be tied.
When his last bullet had been fired, the young gunslinger, still laughing, holstered his gun and turned around to go back into the saloon.
The old man turned to his pack mule, pulled out a double-barreled shotgun, and cocked both hammers. The loud clicks carried clearly through the desert air.
The crowd stopped laughing immediately.
The young gunslinger heard the sounds too, and he turned around very slowly. The silence was almost deafening.
The crowd watched as the young gunman stared at the old timer and the large gaping holes of those twin barrels.
The barrels of the shotgun never wavered in the old man's hands, as he quietly said, "Son, have you ever licked a mule's ass?"

The gunslinger swallowed hard and said, "No sir..... but... I've always wanted to."

There are a few lessons for us all here:
Never be arrogant.Don't waste ammunition.Whiskey makes you think you're smarter than you are.Always, always make sure you know who has the power.Don't mess with old men, they didn't get old by being stupid.
Reminds me of this one

Old outlaw walks into a saloon for a drink and has few... comes out to find his horse has been stolen... Walks back into the bar, fires a shot through the ceiling and says "Some sumbich stole my horse.. I'm going to sit here and have another drink and my horse better be back by then or I'm gonna have to do what I dun in Texas, and I don wanna do what I done back in Texas"
So sure enough, after his drink his horse is waiting for him outside. Just before he leaves another patron asks him "What happened back in Texas?"

He replied "I had to walk home"
 

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