Cow Grease?

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I need some help. I am just getting started in the cattle business. I've read through the post here and decided that I could be a rancher. I decided that I could start out with one cow I could keep in my back yard with my dogs. I went to the local sale yesterday and purchased a cow. The guys all laughed at me when I asked them to help me load it in the back of my station wagon, but after much pleading they finally help me. They took some stook thing they called a stinger and with much pushing we finally got her in.

Now the problem, I got her home and I don't have a stinger and she is stuck or else just won't back out on her own. I have tried everything. I even back the car up to a tree in the back yard and tied a rope around the cow and the tree, but I couldn't pull her out. I've got to do something in a hurry, she is ruining my car. Is there some kind of cow grease I can use or any other ideas?


It is a Volvo station wagon and Penelope weighs about 1000 lbs according to the guys at the sale.
Get the old volvo going in reverse as fast as you can then slam on the brakes...
or tie a log chain around her neck and around a tree on the other end and floor the old volvo.

You might have to have your car detailed after you get her out?

Is she bred or open? That might have some effect on what kind of cow grease you use!! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
OK. Who did it, Who…. did it?!. That is one of my all time favorite movie lines. I'm sure you old timers remember it from the movie Mr. Rogers where the Captain addressed the crew over the PA system after Ensign Pulver through his palm tree over board. What does this have to do with this post? As I have stated before I believe that posts such as this Cow Grease post are created for our amusement. I have also suspected for some time now that it is actually one of the regular posters here that perpetrate these shenanigans. So I repeat, Who…did it?!

Lets just take a poll. First, I have to eliminate myself because quite frankly I don't have that much imagination. So who else do we have….?

Dun. Is it you? X military type I think. So you've heard and seen some pretty crazy stuff and have met your share of practical jokers. I suspect you have a wealth of material to build such situations from.

LA4. Is it you? You've certainly shown a sense of humor in many of your coffee shop posts. And you are from Louisiana…need I say more.

Texan. How about you? Though you tend to strike me as bit of the more serious type that could all be a front. I could believe that you occasionally go over the edge into areas that are better left unexplored.

Campground. It must get awful boring talking to all those trees in East Texas. I lived outside of Nacogdoches on my grandma's farm for a couple of years as a kid so I know how close to the edge East Texas folks really are.

Now that I think about it probably half the regular posters to these boards could have done it. But I think I'll just take a wild guess here.

J Baxter. Checking the time tags I noticed you're response to the initial post was almost too quick. Plus your response seemed to bait further discussion. Yep! My vote is that it was you that through the palm tree overboard.
You see dcara, the problem with this board is that the list of registered users is based on members active in the past 5 minutes. That gives more than enough time to log in, make a registered post or two, log out, make a stupid post or two, and then log back in!!
Haven't had to order cow grease in a while, did order a barrel of post holes the other day. And to the East Texas remark are you trying to say our gene pool doesn't have a deep end.

Thanks Tabbey for the best laugh I've had in ages!

Ooops..err...I mean, Tabbey have you tried calling AAA? Maybe they can send you a towtruck. If you cover that cow with about thirty gallons of 10-W-30 it should help easing her passage. You may want to get ahold of the USDA though to report the case of Mad Cow you're going to have as soon as ol' Penelope is freed from the Volvo Penitentiary.

Actually, I heard of a similiar case in New York. I do believe that in their case they simply inserted a skunk into their S.U.B. and let it do the sweet talking to the cow. Only took four hours to get the cow out. I don't think they've ever seen her since, but they do have some fond lingering memories from Pepe Le Peu.
dcara":28c4x3sd said:
Dun. Is it you? X military type I think. So you've heard and seen some pretty crazy stuff and have met your share of practical jokers. I suspect you have a wealth of material to build such situations from.

Not me. Although we did once haul a 35 lb pig and a 150 lb Brown Swiss bull calf home from the sale in the back of my wifes Pinto station wagon.

Amen and keep it coming. We've got all the ugly realities of life up here that we can handle. I appreciate those fine folk with a sense of humour.

Take care.
I wish it was a pratical joke. Sorry I haven't been able to answer your post, but I have been talking to the vet. He said to give her a laxative mixed with pancake syrup and that should reduce the circumference of the cow. So I drove over to Walgreen's and got a whole box of ex-lax tablets, crushed them up and mixed them with maple syrup. The cow ate the whole lot. I put a garbage bag under her rectal area. Hopefully she'll poop on it. If that doesn't work he said to rub her down with mineral oil.

Where are located at? Heck if your anywhere close I'd be glad to help you out just to get a look at this.

I'm not sure that giving a cow a laxative will work the same as it does in humans. Let us know how everything comes out. ;-)

Why get her out at all? Just keep puttting the feed to her and then take her back to the salebarn in a few months, they will get her out! Just be sure and leave the windows cracked , it can get hot in there in the daytime. As far as ruining the car, just drive through a carwash with the windows down, that will clean it out.
I don't know what I'm going to do. The cow is blowing this stuff that looks like a guacomole milkshake all over my car. It is in the cd player,the air conditioner, my leather seats are ruined. I can't stand this any more. I'm getting a headache. I need caffeine. I guess I'll have to walk down to the Starbucks as I can't drive my car.
Along another note....Penelope more than likely isn't going to like your dogs. :x To most cows, dogs are predators like coyotes, etc. no matter how 'nice' the dogs are.....
I did get a nice chuckle out of picturing all of this.... :D

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