Concerned Friend

[I luv herfrds]

I'm concerned about a friend of mine. I just don't know if I should step up and say something or butt out.
What is going on is he is dating a woman he was introduced to in a bar by my husband. Now I was willing to give her a chance, but somethings have been going on that are starting to concern me greatly.
She has told his 3yo son,"That is Mommy's, stay out of Mommy's drink." :devil2: :devil2: she is not his mother. Also told him, "Make sure Daddy doesn't drink tonight." :shock: :devil2:
He had bought an Excursion for his large family, but they never really use it because she is always driving it, even when she has none of the kids with her.
Found out that she is known for using cocaine, she might not be using now, but don't know.
She told myself and two other people a story at different times and when we compared it while visiting we found out that it was 3 different versions on the same subject.
Really offended me but telling me she could never be a "kitchen b*tch" like me. :devil2:
Claims to be a relator, but she is always out at his ranch on the weekdays. Also claims to have prime custody of her two boys, but is at his place every night and not at home. He lives about 2 hours from where she "lives". Heard that she is suppose to be selling her house. Asked where she was going to live? Don't know. Better the heck not be at his place.
Last of all I have been getting bad vibes everytime I have been around her. The first night I met her as we were leaving his place a little voice said, "She is just after his money."; I listen to my instincts.

There's alot more going on and some rumors that are not confirmed so I won't post them.

Do I sit down with him and tell him my concerns or just sit back and hope he see's the light before it is too late?
My husband likes her.

 

[TexasBred]

Guess a bar is a good place for a fool to pick up unattached women but I certainly wouldn't want one of them. I see your concern but probably best to "keep out" so as not to get caught in the middle.

 

[bigbull338]

ok i see 2 probs.your hubby likes her an she is dating his friend.an you know some of what she is doing.as well as some of her past.now your in the middle on what todo.if you say something 2 things may happen.your friend will get madd at you for butting in.an your hubby could get madd as well because he dont see whats going on.so if i was you id stay out of it.an let him learn on his own if it hitts the fan.that way you wont get blamed for causing trouble.dang TB you can type faster than me.

 

[GMN]

I'd do nothing. As you said its all stuff you have heard from others, but it may not be true. I am sure he is a adult man who can take care of himself.

GMN

 

[I luv herfrds]

Husband knows I don't like her.
I didn't post the rumors GMN, just the proven facts. Witnesses that are reliable are great.
Friends oldest kids don't care for her either.

 

[dun]

Is the man an adult? If so, leave it alone. If not, leave it alone anyway. Sometime men think with the wrong head, but most times the right one takes over before things get too ugly.

 

[flaboy]

Now, you know men don't listen to nobody except maybe the grandpa. He certainly won't listen to you when he is in lust. Lust is the cycle men go through just before stupid.

 

[Lammie]

There really isn't a lot you can do, I am afraid. He's gonna have to find out for himself if she's lying about stuff. Unfortunate, but true. A similar thing happened my my dear sweet husband before he met me. Men just think with the wrong head sometimes...

Now, that kitchen b*tch remark would not pass muster with me. I'd have let her know right real quick that there's just room for one B*tch in my house, so she'd have to leave...

 

[Jogeephus]

You are outnumbered on this one. I would voice your concerns to your husband and then leave it there. If he wants to say something he can. He will probably be in more positions to do so than you but he probably won't.

 

[Lammie]

You are outnumbered on this one. I would voice your concerns to your husband and then leave it there. If he wants to say something he can. He will probably be in more positions to do so than you but he probably won't.

Jo's right. Most men would want to hear this from another man and not that man's wife. For some things, a man will seek a woman's opinion about things, but I don't think this is one of them. And he still probably will not listen even if your husband does tell. He'll have to figure it out on his own. Once everyone in town gets to talking, then he might realize what's happening. Maybe.

Do they do internet? People will tell everything about their private lives on myspace for some reason. Might be a good place to check out. If she's gonna tell on herself, it will be somewhere in cyber public like that.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Thanks everyone. Now if there were no kids involved I would just stand back and let him fall on his face and learn the hard way, but I love those kids too much to do nothing and see them hurt especially the youngest ones.

Thanks for the info Lammie, I will go check out myspace and see what I can find. Held my temper over the comment, just barely. She has hinted that I should volunteer to cook for his branding.
I don't think so.

A mutal friend found a belt buckle that says, "I'm With Stupid." with an arrow pointing down. They are going to give it to him. :lol:

Husband is wearing rose colored glasses concerning her.

 

[Lammie]

Now, you know men don't listen to nobody except maybe the grandpa. He certainly won't listen to you when he is in lust. Lust is the cycle men go through just before stupid.

I like to hear that kind of candid honesty from a man.

 

[Jogeephus]

Is he a widower or is he divorced?

 

[VanC]

My husband likes her.

Why? Is it possible she has some good qualities you don't see, or is your husband a poor judge of character? It has to be one or the other. Ask your husband straight out WHY he likes her, and don't accept "because she makes him happy" as an answer. I've dated women who made me happy, too, right up to the point where they made me miserable.

My gut says you should butt out, but I don't know what you know and I'm not personally involved like you are. Your call. Good luck.

 

[hillsdown]

There really isn't a lot you can do, I am afraid. He's gonna have to find out for himself if she's lying about stuff. Unfortunate, but true. A similar thing happened my my dear sweet husband before he met me. Men just think with the wrong head sometimes...

Now, that kitchen b*tch remark would not pass muster with me. I'd have let her know right real quick that there's just room for one B*tch in my house, so she'd have to leave...

Good one Lammie and then she would have to be rushed to the hospital right away to have my boot removed from her @ss.

ILh check your PM's, hang in there ,remember God only gives us as much as we can handle :heart: .

 

[Brute 23]

Maybe the guy knows every thing you know and is down with it.

 

[I luv herfrds]

Jo, widower.

Van that is just what he is saying, along with he doesn't want our friend to be alone.

Angus he brushed it off as a joke. I've been called alot of names in my life, some flattering and some not, but that was a first for me. Never heard the term before.

 

[Jogeephus]

Widower is what I figured. A widower is less apt to study women. They are more apt to assume that all women are equal to their deceased wife in heart. I would also assume that his first wife was really nice and was a good mother. He is probably thinking all women are like this and he misses her and wants her back. We however know this is not the case. A divorsee such as myself, who married the gold digging, self-centered, adulterous spawn of satan would not be shopping with blinders on. My divorce was a crash course in Evilness of Human Nature and it was extremely hard for me to believe anyone could be so evil. That said, when I finally did decide to date again I culled em hard and fast. I had done enough homework to know how to categorize them and figured there was no need to waste time on them if they didn't meet the mustard cause spending time with them would enable other things to do begin to influence my brain and make it harder to cull them later. When I finally dated, my goal was twofold. I wanted to find someone that I was compatable with but I also was looking for someone who would truly love my two boys as her own. I got lucky and met her at a meeting - not a bar.(bad place for all concerned) Though I dated several women that were prettier than she none were as beautiful as my wife is.

From what little I know, I suspect he is lonely. He wants to fill the void in his life. But he needs to realize is that he can find himself lonely in a relationship as well and this is even worse. A little game I used to play when I dated was to try to sum up my dates in a single word. Surprisingly this game is harder than it seems and it makes you think objectively about the person. I dated; pretty, dittsy, spacey, freeky, greedy, funny, immature but settled for virtuous. Deep down I imagine he sees her faults but has chosen to ignore them. Ignoring these character flaws is not a good thing cause if he marries her these flaws will become more obvious one hundred fold.

I hate to say it but you will not be able to open his eyes. Only he can do this but you can help. That said, I think the idea of your cooking at the branding is a good idea. You can use this to your advantage to sway the opinion of both your husband and him. Since she doesn't want to be a kitchen b#tch, you need to bring a nice single girl(s) with you to help you. One who is nice and would be a good match for him but don't tell the girls you are match making. While ya'll are cooking and getting things together bar trash will probably be prancing her wares around him like a poodle in heat. Though it may not be apparant, (t)he will notice who is doing the work and who more resembles his deceased wife in heart and soul. Of course you will probably have to bite your tongue the whole time cause this is not the time for a cat fight. This will be a tiring event for you cause she will kick it in overdrive and try to take control when he gets near the cooking area but I would bet she will not stay long and this is when the example can be made. Also, to make it even more effective, I would suggest inviting married couples as well and turn this into a big event. This might mask your intent some as well as exposing him to other people who might also have a match for him. She probably won't like all of this cause she has him right where she wants him at the moment but it was "her idea" to begin with you just took it to another level. ;-)

Sorry. Didn't mean to get long winded.

 

[CKC1586]

Jo: you are a very wise man! Very good advise there. :nod:
His kid's opinions will soon be apparent to him as well. The Papa Bear syndrome will surely kick in...not quite as fierce as the Momma Bear instinct but surely he will not tolerate someone hurting his kids feelings.

 

[I luv herfrds]

CKC is right you are a very wise man Jo.
Thank you very much. Really apreciate it.

Glad you found that great woman in your life.