*Cowgirl*
Well-known member
MOSTLY CHILDREN AND CHURCH
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then asked "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran, she prayed; "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Please Lord, don't let me be late!" As she ran and prayed, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again.. As she ran, she once more started to pray; "Please Lord, don't let me be late......but there's no need to push!"
Another little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Eventually, she leaned over to her mother and whispered; "Mummy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
A little boy was overheard praying; "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time as I am."
Three boys are in the schoolyard, bragging about their fathers. The first boy says; "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50.00."
The second boy says; "Thats nothing, My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100.00."
The third boy says; "I've got you both beaten, My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money."
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the other men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way that his mother cooked.
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her hand written instructions for her memorial service, she wrote; "They wouldn't take me out when I was alive."
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church; "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied; "Because people will be sleeping."
The same teacher asked her class why Mary and Joseph took Jesus with them when they went to Jerusalem. A small child replied; "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
She was discussing the ten commandments with the five and six year olds. After explaining the one to "Honour thy father and thy mother", she sked; "Is there a commandment which teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitation a diminutive boy answered; "Thou shall not kill."
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him that Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill. She said; "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded; "I have a pain in my side, I think I'm going to have a wife."
Two boys were waking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other; "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied; "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
Attending a wedding for the first time, a little girl whispered to her mother "Why is the bride dressed in white?" "Because white is the colour of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life." The child thought about this for a moment, then asked "So, why is the groom wearing black?"
A little girl, dressed in her Sunday best, was running as fast as she could, trying not to be late for Bible class. As she ran, she prayed; "Dear Lord, please don't let me be late. Please Lord, don't let me be late!" As she ran and prayed, she tripped on a curb and fell, getting her clothes dirty and tearing her dress. She got up, brushed herself off and started running again.. As she ran, she once more started to pray; "Please Lord, don't let me be late......but there's no need to push!"
Another little girl became restless as the preacher's sermon dragged on and on. Eventually, she leaned over to her mother and whispered; "Mummy, if we give him the money now, will he let us go?"
A little boy was overheard praying; "Lord, if you can't make me a better boy, don't worry about it. I'm having a real good time as I am."
Three boys are in the schoolyard, bragging about their fathers. The first boy says; "My Dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a poem. They give him $50.00."
The second boy says; "Thats nothing, My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a song. They give him $100.00."
The third boy says; "I've got you both beaten, My dad scribbles a few words on a piece of paper, he calls it a sermon. It takes eight people to collect all the money."
Adam and Eve had an ideal marriage. He didn't have to hear about all the other men she could have married and she didn't have to hear about the way that his mother cooked.
An elderly woman died last month. Having never married, she requested no male pallbearers. In her hand written instructions for her memorial service, she wrote; "They wouldn't take me out when I was alive."
A Sunday school teacher asked the children just before she dismissed them to go to church; "Why is it necessary to be quiet in church?" Annie replied; "Because people will be sleeping."
The same teacher asked her class why Mary and Joseph took Jesus with them when they went to Jerusalem. A small child replied; "They couldn't get a baby sitter."
She was discussing the ten commandments with the five and six year olds. After explaining the one to "Honour thy father and thy mother", she sked; "Is there a commandment which teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without hesitation a diminutive boy answered; "Thou shall not kill."
At Sunday school they were teaching how God created everything, including human beings. Little Johnny seemed especially intent when they told him that Eve was created out of one of Adam's ribs. Later in the week his mother noticed him lying down as though he were ill. She said; "Johnny, what is the matter?" Little Johnny responded; "I have a pain in my side, I think I'm going to have a wife."
Two boys were waking home from Sunday school after hearing a strong preaching on the devil. One said to the other; "What do you think about all this Satan stuff?" The other boy replied; "Well, you know how Santa Claus turned out. It's probably just your dad."
