here's one to go along w/CattleAnnie's "Missing Work Excuse":
"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try
to gain access to my house via the cat flap,"
Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen,
Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're
called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is
because they're too small for people, and perhaps
I should have realized that."
Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener from Bremen,
was relating how he had become trapped in his own
front door for two days, after losing his house keys.
"I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but
became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it
all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told
myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory.
I began shouting for help, but my head was in the
hallway so my screams were muffled.
"After a few hours, a group of students approached
me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers
and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck
a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign
next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in
street art. Please give generously' and left me there.
"People were passing by and, when I asked for help,
they just said 'very good! Very clever!' and threw
coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me. In
fact, I only got free after two days because a dog
started licking my private parts and an old woman
complained to the police. They came and cut me out,
but arrested me as soon as I was freed. Luckily they've
now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM300 in
my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."
"In retrospect, I admit it was unwise to try
to gain access to my house via the cat flap,"
Gunther Burpus admitted to reporters in Bremen,
Germany. "I suppose that the reason they're
called cat flaps, rather than human flaps, is
because they're too small for people, and perhaps
I should have realized that."
Burpus, a forty-one year old gardener from Bremen,
was relating how he had become trapped in his own
front door for two days, after losing his house keys.
"I got my head and shoulders through the flap, but
became trapped fast around the waist. At first, it
all seemed rather amusing. I sang songs and told
myself jokes. But then I wanted to go to the lavatory.
I began shouting for help, but my head was in the
hallway so my screams were muffled.
"After a few hours, a group of students approached
me but, instead of helping, they removed my trousers
and pants, painted my buttocks bright blue, and stuck
a daffodil between my cheeks. Then they placed a sign
next to me which said 'Germany resurgent, an essay in
street art. Please give generously' and left me there.
"People were passing by and, when I asked for help,
they just said 'very good! Very clever!' and threw
coins into my trousers. No one tried to free me. In
fact, I only got free after two days because a dog
started licking my private parts and an old woman
complained to the police. They came and cut me out,
but arrested me as soon as I was freed. Luckily they've
now dropped the charges, and I collected over DM300 in
my underpants, so the time wasn't entirely wasted."
