Because I'm A Man

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TexasBred

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*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN I LOCK MY KEYS IN THE CAR, I WILL FIDDLE WITH A COAT HANGER LONG AFTER HYPOTHERMIA HAS SET IN CALLING AAA IS NOT AN OPTION. I WILL WIN.

* BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN THE CAR ISN'T RUNNING VERY WELL, I WILL POP THE HOOD AND STARE AT THE ENGINE AS IF I KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT. IF ANOTHER MAN SHOWS UP, ONE OF US WILL SAY TO THE OTHER, `I USED TO BE ABLE TO FIX THESE THINGS, BUT NOW WITH ALL THESE COMPUTERS AND EVERYTHING, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.` WE WILL THEN DRINK A COUPLE OF BEERS AND BREAK WIND, AS A FORM OF HOLY COMMUNION.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN I CATCH A COLD, I NEED SOMEONE TO BRING ME SOUP AND TAKE CARE OF ME WHILE I LIE IN BED AND MOAN. YOU'RE A WOMAN,. YOU NEVER GET AS SICK AS I DO, SO FOR YOU, THIS IS NO PROBLEM.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, I CAN BERELIED UPON TO PURCHASE BASIC GROCERIES AT THE STORE, LIKE MILK OR BREAD. I CANNOT BE EXPECTED TO FIND EXOTIC ITEMS LIKE `CUMIN` OR `TOFU`. FOR ALL I KNOW, THESE ARE THE SAME THING.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN ONE OF OUR APPLIANCES STOP WORKING, I WILL INSIST ON TAKING IT APART, DESPITE EVIDENCE THAT THIS WILL JUST COST ME TWICE AS MUCH ONCE THE REPAIR PERSON GETS HERE AND HAS TO PUT IT BACK TOGETHER.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, I MUST HOLD THE TELEVISION REMOTE CONTROL IN MY HAND WHILE I WATCH TV. IF THE THING HAS BEEN MISPLACED, I MAY MISS A WHOLE SHOW LOOKING FOR IT, THOUGH ONE TIME I WAS ABLE TO SURVIVE BY HOLDING A CALCULATOR INSTEAD.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, THERE IS NO NEED TO ASK ME WHAT I'M THINKING ABOUT. THE TRUE ANSWER IS ALWAYS EITHER SEX, CARS, SEX, SPORTS OR SEX. I HAVE TO MAKE UP SOMETHING ELSE WHEN YOU ASK, SO JUST DON'T ASK.

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, YOU DON'T HAVE TO ASK ME IF I LIKE THE MOVIE. CHANCES ARE, IF YOU'RE CRYING AT THE END OF IT, I DIDN'T... AND IF YOU ARE FEELING AMOROUS AFTERWARDS . . THEN I WILL CERTAINLY AT LEAST REMEMBER THE NAME AND RECOMMEND IT TO OTHERS.

* BECAUSE I'M A MAN, I THINK WHAT YOU'RE WEARING IS FINE. I THOUGHT WHAT YOU WERE WEARING FIVE MINUTES AGO WAS FINE, TOO. EITHER PAIR OF SHOES IS FINE. WITH THE BELT OR WITHOUT IT, LOOKS FINE.IT DOES NOT MAKE YOUR ASS LOOK TOO BIG. IT WAS THE PASTA AND POTATOES AND MARGARITAS THAT DID THAT. YOUR HAIR IS FINE. YOU LOOK FINE. CAN WE JUST GO NOW?

*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, AND THIS IS, AFTER ALL, THE YEAR 2009, I WILL SHARE EQUALLY IN THE HOUSEWORK. YOU JUST DO THE LAUNDRY, THE COOKING, THE CLEANING, THE VACUUMING, AND THE DISHES, AND I'LL DO THE REST. LIKE WANDERING AROUND IN THE GARDEN WITH A BEER, WONDERING WHAT TO DO.

THIS HAS BEEN A PUBLIC SERVICE MESSAGE FOR WOMEN TO BETTER UNDERSTAND MEN
 

iowahawkeyes

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I think that most men and women alike will agree that these are very accurate statements. :banana:
 

Jogeephus

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TexasBred":1ghzgbm8 said:
* BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN THE CAR ISN'T RUNNING VERY WELL, I WILL POP THE HOOD AND STARE AT THE ENGINE AS IF I KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT. IF ANOTHER MAN SHOWS UP, ONE OF US WILL SAY TO THE OTHER, `I USED TO BE ABLE TO FIX THESE THINGS, BUT NOW WITH ALL THESE COMPUTERS AND EVERYTHING, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.` WE WILL THEN DRINK A COUPLE OF BEERS AND BREAK WIND, AS A FORM OF HOLY COMMUNION.

Because I'm a man, I may not hear my wife's complaints about doing yard work or some other honey-do but I will hear the latch of your hood pop. No matter how many miles away you are I will hear it and I will come and stare at the motor with you. I have no choice. I am a man.
 

john250

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Jogeephus":ho33px8l said:
TexasBred":ho33px8l said:
* BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN THE CAR ISN'T RUNNING VERY WELL, I WILL POP THE HOOD AND STARE AT THE ENGINE AS IF I KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT. IF ANOTHER MAN SHOWS UP, ONE OF US WILL SAY TO THE OTHER, `I USED TO BE ABLE TO FIX THESE THINGS, BUT NOW WITH ALL THESE COMPUTERS AND EVERYTHING, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.` WE WILL THEN DRINK A COUPLE OF BEERS AND BREAK WIND, AS A FORM OF HOLY COMMUNION.

Because I'm a man, I may not hear my wife's complaints about doing yard work or some other honey-do but I will hear the latch of your hood pop. No matter how many miles away you are I will hear it and I will come and stare at the motor with you. I have no choice. I am a man.

:lol: :clap: :lol:
 

Ryder

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Jogeephus":3eu42smq said:
TexasBred":3eu42smq said:
* BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN THE CAR ISN'T RUNNING VERY WELL, I WILL POP THE HOOD AND STARE AT THE ENGINE AS IF I KNOW WHAT I'M LOOKING AT. IF ANOTHER MAN SHOWS UP, ONE OF US WILL SAY TO THE OTHER, `I USED TO BE ABLE TO FIX THESE THINGS, BUT NOW WITH ALL THESE COMPUTERS AND EVERYTHING, I WOULDN'T KNOW WHERE TO START.` WE WILL THEN DRINK A COUPLE OF BEERS AND BREAK WIND, AS A FORM OF HOLY COMMUNION.

Because I'm a man, I may not hear my wife's complaints about doing yard work or some other honey-do but I will hear the latch of your hood pop. No matter how many miles away you are I will hear it and I will come and stare at the motor with you. I have no choice. I am a man.
Thanks for the post. It means I'm normal after all.
 

Nesikep

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*BECAUSE I'M A MAN, WHEN I LOCK MY KEYS IN THE CAR, I WILL FIDDLE WITH A COAT HANGER LONG AFTER HYPOTHERMIA HAS SET IN CALLING AAA IS NOT AN OPTION. I WILL WIN.


because I do this on a regular basis, I know all the tricks to getting into my vehicles without the keys, I locked myself out of my truck today for that matter, luckily I had coathanger in the bed of the truck and I was on my way in about 3 minutes

Also, because I am a man, I know how long it takes to get from point A to point B, and am often more accurate than my GPS
 

Lammie

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When my husband gets sick I totally hate it. I had a baby, squatting on the floor of my room, at three in the morning, and was doing laundry that afternoon. He gets a sniffle and all bets are off!

He hates that story.
 

alacattleman

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Lammie":12xuhwnq said:
When my husband gets sick I totally hate it.of my I had a baby, squatting on the floor room, at three in the morning, and was doing laundry that afternoon. He gets a sniffle and all bets are off!

He hates that story.
tough outfit ain't you ....you must have some indian in you
 

Lammie

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alacattleman":2iclu69b said:
Lammie":2iclu69b said:
When my husband gets sick I totally hate it.of my I had a baby, squatting on the floor room, at three in the morning, and was doing laundry that afternoon. He gets a sniffle and all bets are off!

He hates that story.
tough outfit ain't you ....you must have some indian in you


I kinda wondered whether or not a home birth was the way to go at that moment, but it was too late at that point! It was actually kinda cool.
 

alacattleman

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Lammie":25zde5ly said:
alacattleman":25zde5ly said:
Lammie":25zde5ly said:
When my husband gets sick I totally hate it.of my I had a baby, squatting on the floor room, at three in the morning, and was doing laundry that afternoon. He gets a sniffle and all bets are off!

He hates that story.
tough outfit ain't you ....you must have some indian in you


I kinda wondered whether or not a home birth was the way to go at that moment, but it was too late at that point! It was actually kinda cool.
so it werent up for debate
 

Lammie

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No, I planned it that way. Tough old me decided that the first birth in the hospital was too much of a "medical event". That, and our health insurance sucked and it was cheaper to do it with a midwife at home. My son's kinda proud of the fact that he was born at home.
 

chrisy

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:help: :clap: :clap: :clap: now that it is in writing I can relate to many of them, more sick than us, YES, look at the car engine you forgot the scratch head and a$$ at the same time with a puzzled look on face. Ah! and after you take the machine to pieces it is better to go out and buy a new one as most times screws and things are missing. Great post will pass it on to all my girl-friends who I know need a good laugh.... :lol2: :banana: :lol2:
 

Jogeephus

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chrisy":33icp83t said:
after you take the machine to pieces it is better to go out and buy a new one as most times screws and things are missing

Those pieces were absolutely unneccessary.

Ya'll women just don't understand the attraction a broken whatchamacallit has to a man. The force pulls you too it. There is no resisting it. Granted, we may not know what we are doing but we have to do something. Its like asking directions. Why do that when stopping would surely impede progress through forward movement. So what if you are driving the wrong direction! For all you know, we may have heard a hood open or something.
 

Ryder

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Jogeephus":dxktn83u said:
chrisy":dxktn83u said:
after you take the machine to pieces it is better to go out and buy a new one as most times screws and things are missing

Those pieces were absolutely unneccessary.

Ya'll women just don't understand the attraction a broken whatchamacallit has to a man. The force pulls you too it. There is no resisting it. Granted, we may not know what we are doing but we have to do something. Its like asking directions. Why do that when stopping would surely impede progress through forward movement. So what if you are driving the wrong direction! For all you know, we may have heard a hood open or something.
Jogeephus, once again you are absolutely correct. There are all sorts of things that contain unnecessary pieces. I just don't worry about them.
Some may say those pieces must have been important because it didn't work after I put it back together.
But I say that it wasn't working to begin with. That is why I took it apart to fix it.
 

Jogeephus

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Ryder, once again your logic is flawless. These wimmen will never understand. That's why God made us first. It's a sure bet he didn't want someone telling him what to do or how to do it while he was busy. ;-) :lol: (I'll go ahead to my corner now and await my flogging. ;-) )
 

Angus Cowman

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I agree with you 100% Jo and Ryder
I tell my wife everyday how perfect I am
also when we take something apart and put it back together and have spare parts we are actually money ahead because we all know manufacturers waste money on unneeded frivolous parts and after awhile we can accumulate enough parts to build another machine or device just with parts they wasted and that saves us lots of money
we have got to be frugal in these uncertain economic times
 

Lammie

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My ex husband took the starter out of his car thinking it was the alternator, could not put it back, and had to have it towed. The tow truck driver got a laugh out of that. I knew it was the wrong part cause Daddy showed me what everything was before I went to college. I tried to tell him, but hey, I'm a woman. What do I know about cars?

I had a Blazer that the alternator went out on. When it was going out, I kept telling Steve what was happening. Well, after taking it to the mechanic, he calls me and says, "Hey honey! Keith says it's the alternator!"

Like I didn't know... :mad:
 

chrisy

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Jogeephus":2b3v6qd8 said:
Ryder, once again your logic is flawless. These wimmen will never understand. That's why God made us first. It's a sure bet he didn't want someone telling him what to do or how to do it while he was busy. ;-) :lol: (I'll go ahead to my corner now and await my flogging. ;-) )

WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?
(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)
Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?
A: Rename the mail folder 'Instruction Manual.'
 

cowman30

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Jogeephus":37zg1okl said:
chrisy":37zg1okl said:
after you take the machine to pieces it is better to go out and buy a new one as most times screws and things are missing

Those pieces were absolutely unneccessary.

Ya'll women just don't understand the attraction a broken whatchamacallit has to a man. The force pulls you too it. There is no resisting it. Granted, we may not know what we are doing but we have to do something. Its like asking directions. Why do that when stopping would surely impede progress through forward movement. So what if you are driving the wrong direction! For all you know, we may have heard a hood open or something.


I heard that if you cant rebuild an engine and have a few bolts left over you aint doing it right.
 
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