OLD VERSION:
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter,
>the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
>he
>dies out in the cold.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Be Responsible
>
>
>
>MODERN VERSION:
>
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he'sa fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter,
>the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
>why
>the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
>and starving.
>
>
>CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
>table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How
>can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed to suffer so?
>
>
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
>the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse
>then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
>
>
>Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Dan Rather that
>the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
>for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share.
>
>
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
>retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
>to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
>nothing
>left
>to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
>government.
>
>
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
>
>federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
>welfare
>recipients.
>The ant loses.
>
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
>the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
>to be the ant's old house, c rumbles around him because he doesn't
>maintain it.
>
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
>
>The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
>house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
>terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
>
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks he's
>a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter,
>the ant is warm and well fed. The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so
>he
>dies out in the cold.
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Be Responsible
>
>
>
>MODERN VERSION:
>
>
>The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his
>house and laying up supplies for the winter. The grasshopper thinks
>he'sa fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away. Come
>winter,
>the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know
>why
>the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold
>and starving.
>
>
>CBS, NBC, ABC & CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering
>grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a
>table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast. How
>can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is
>allowed to suffer so?
>
>
>
>Kermit the Frog appears on Oprah with the grasshopper, and everybody
>cries when they sing, "It's Not Easy Being Green."
>
>
>
>Jesse Jackson stages a demonstration in front of the ant's house where
>the news stations film the group singing, "We shall overcome." Jesse
>then has the group kneel down to pray to God for the grasshopper's sake.
>
>
>
>Ted Kennedy & John Kerry exclaim in an interview with Dan Rather that
>the ant has gotten rich off the back of the grasshopper, and both call
>for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his "fair share.
>
>
>
>Finally, the EEOC drafts the "Economic Equity and Anti-Grasshopper Act,"
>retroactive to the beginning of the summer. The ant is fined for failing
>to hire a proportionate number of green bugs and, having
>nothing
>left
>to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the
>government.
>
>
>
>Hillary gets her old law firm to represent the grasshopper in a
>defamation suit against the ant, and the case is tried before a panel of
>
>federal judges that Bill appointed from a list of single-parent
>welfare
>recipients.
>The ant loses.
>
>
>The story ends as we see the grasshopper finishing up the last bits of
>the ant's food while the government house he is in, which just happens
>to be the ant's old house, c rumbles around him because he doesn't
>maintain it.
>
>
>The ant has disappeared in the snow.
>
>
>The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident and the
>house, now abandoned, is taken over by a gang of spiders who
>terrorize the once peaceful neighborhood.
>
>
>
>MORAL OF THE STORY: Vote Republican
>
