APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS

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Sir Loin

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Jan 10, 2007
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Location
SE TN
NOTE:

Due to the climate of political correctness now pervading America, Kentuckians, Tennesseans, and West Virginians will no longer be referred to as "HILLBILLIES."

You must now refer to them as APPALACHIAN-AMERICANS.

Thank You
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A young cowboy walks into a seedy cafe in Buda, Texas. He sits at the counter and notices an old cowboy with his arms folded staring blankly at a full bowl of chili. After fifteen minutes of just sitting there staring at it, the young cowboy bravely asks the old cowpoke, "If you ain't gonna eat that, mind if I do?"

The older cowboy slowly turns his head toward the young wrangler and in his best cowboy manner says, "Nah, go ahead"

Eagerly, the young cowboy reaches over and slides the bowl over to his place and starts spooning it in with delight. He gets nearly down to the bottom and notices a dead mouse in the chili. The sight was shocking and he immediately pukes up the chili into the bowl.

The old cowboy quietly says, "Yep, that's as far as I got, too."
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A man complained about having had two unhappy marriages. His first wife divorced him and his second wife.... wouldn't!!
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Definition of The Perfect Husband: A guy who makes his wife's panties wet.... doing the laundry every week.
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The young wife hasn't spoken to her husband since the baby was born, all because of a little misunderstanding.

She called him at work and said her water had broken.... and he called the plumber.
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Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?
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Californians are a strange people. They'll put every chemical known to God and man up their nostrils, and then laugh at you for putting sugar in your coffee!
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How do you fix a broken tomato?

...With tomato paste.
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"Dear Lord," the preacher began with arms extended and a rapturous look on his upturned face, "without you we are but dust..."

He would have continued, but at that moment one very obedient little girl (who was listening carefully) leaned over to her mother and asked quite audibly in her shrill little girl voice, "Mommy, WHAT is butt dust?"

Church was pretty much over at that point...
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While interviewing an anonymous Marine scout sniper on his sniper skills, a Reuters News agent asked him what he felt when shooting members of Al Qaeda in Afghanistan.

The Marine shrugged and replied, "Recoil."
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HOW TO SELL TOOTHBRUSHES

The kids filed back into class Monday morning. They were very excited. Their weekend assignment was to sell something, then give a talk on productive salesmanship.

Little Sally led off: "I sold girl scout cookies and I made $30," she said proudly, "My sales approach was to appeal to the customer's civic spirit and I credit that approach for my obvious success."

"Very good," said the teacher.

Little Jenny was next: "I sold magazines," she said, "I made $45 and I explained to everyone that magazines would keep them up on current events."

"Very good, Jenny," said the teacher.

Eventually, it was Little Johnny's turn. The teacher held her breath.

Little Johnny walked to the front of the classroom and dumped a box full of cash on the teacher's desk. "$2,467," he said.

"$2,467!" cried the teacher, "What in the world were you selling?"

"Toothbrushes," said Little Johnny.

"Toothbrushes," echoed the teacher, "How could you possibly sell enough tooth brushes to make that much money?"

"I found the busiest corner in town," said Little Johnny, "I set up a Dip & Chip stand. I gave everybody who walked by a sample. They all said the same thing, "Hey, this tastes like crap!" Then I would say, "It is. Wanna buy a toothbrush?"
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