• If you are having problems logging in please use the Contact Us in the lower right hand corner of the forum page for assistance.

Anger management,long but worth the read

Help Support CattleToday:

A

Anonymous

Guest
When you occasionally have a really bad day, and you just need to take
it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you know, take it out on
someone you don't know.

It all started one day when I was sitting at my desk and remembered a
phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number and dialed. A man answered, saying, "Hello." I politely said, "This is Chris. May I please
speak with Robin Carter?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me.

I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's
correct number and called her. I had transposed the last two digits of
her phone number.

After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again.

When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!"
and hung up. I wrote his number down with the word 'asshole' next to it,
and put it in my drawer.

Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day,
I'd call him up and yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up.

When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole'
calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this
is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if
you're interested in the Caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and
slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's
because you're an asshole!"

One day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot.
Some guy in a black BMW cut me off and pulled into the spot I had
patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting
for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his
car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right
after calling the first asshole, (I had his number on speed dial ), I
thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too.

I said, "Is this the man with the black BMW for sale?"

"Yes, it is."

"Can you tell me where I can see it?"

"Yes, I live at 1802 West 34th Street. It's a yellow house, and the
car's parked right out in front."

"What's your name?" I asked.

"My name is Don Hansen," he said.

"When's a good time to catch you, Don?"

"I'm home every evening after five."

"Listen, Don, can I tell you something?"

"Yes?"

"Don, you're an asshole."

Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now, when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call.

But after several months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it
used to be. So, I came up with an idea. I called Asshole #1.

"Hello."

"You're an asshole!" (But I didn't hang up.)

"Are you still there?" he asked.

"Yeah," I said.

"Stop calling me," he screamed.

"Make me," I said.

"Who are you?" he asked.

"My name is Don Hansen."

"Yeah? Where do you live?"

"Asshole, I live at 1802 West 34th Street, a yellow house, with my
black Beamer parked in front."

He said, "I'm coming over right now, Don. And you had better start
saying your prayers."

I said, "Yeah, like I'm really scared, asshole."

Then I called Asshole #2.

"Hello?" he said.

"Hello, asshole," I said.

He yelled, "If I ever find out who you are!"

"You'll what?" I said.

"I'll kick your ass," he exclaimed.

I answered, "Well, asshole, here's your chance. I'm coming over right now."

Then I hung up and immediately called the police, saying that I lived
at 1802 West 34th Street, and that I was on my way over there to kill my
gay lover.

Then I called Channel 3 News about the gang war going down on West 34th Street.

I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th street. There I saw
two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of six squad
cars, a police helicopter, and a news crew.

NOW, I feel better. Anger management really works!
 

Latest posts

Top