Ain't no easy way to ask so here it goes

[I luv herfrds]

Jo I thought about your post off and on for most of the day.
I will be honest about my thoughts.

I have been to more funerals then I even care to think about. I have seen both where the deceased looked ok and I have been there when I really wished it had been closed.
Now if the person passed away due to a serious illness and looked worse and worse towards then end it would probably be best to do a closed casket and put a nice picture of them on top.
Now if someone elses passes away suddenly and looks like they always have then an open casket would be alright.

 

[Oldtimer]

I'm thinking more on the lines of a party without me being there. Maybe a video tape of me thanking everyone for showing up and telling them about the open bar and the BBQ. Maybe I could make a grand entrance as a plane or something dusts everyone with my ashes. I don't know but I just don't think I want people looking at me and remembering me in a box. Of course, I will do it if it is what I have to do for the sake of the family.

Any ideas?

Well Joegeephus-- thats about what I told my family I want- be cremated- graveside services next to the old tree in the yard where I, my kids, and my grandkids have all had swings built in, where I want my ashes buried..Then a BBQ and open bar party if the weather is nice or a big feed and party at the Elks Lodge if its winter time....

And hopefully I can be somewhere listening to all the stories they tell about me during the party ;-)

 

[VanC]

There's certainly no easy answer for this type of thing, just what a person is used to, I guess. As for having an open casket, I suppose it can give closure to some, but can also be very troubling to others. In my experience, an open casket seems OK with an older person who has died a natural death, but with someone younger that died from an illness or accident it can be very upsetting.

I lost my best friend to cancer eleven years ago. He was only 43. He didn't want any visitors except immediate family over the last few weeks, so the last time I saw him he still looked fairly normal. At the funeral, which was open casket, I didn't even recognize him. He had lost all his hair from the chemo and had lost 80 pounds. I didn't need to see that, but that's what his family wanted, I guess.

I tend to agree with those that say a private viewing, for family or close friends who want to say good-bye, might be best, but that can be very upsetting, too. When my brother died ten years ago, his wife wanted an open casket, and that's fine. I held up pretty well until it came time to close it. That's when the finality of everything hit me. That's when I realized that I would never see him or talk to him again, and I lost it. Looking back, maybe that was better than letting it eat at me slowly like it did my parents. That night we sat around, told stories, and laughed till it hurt. Went through the entire range of emotions that day and, while I was completely exausted when I finally went to bed, I think it did me a lot of good.

When Dad died we had the visitation at the church a couple of hours before the funeral. Been to a couple of other funerals like that, too. Seems to me that's the way to go. Get it over with. It's hard enough on the family the way it is without having them go through the visitation one evening and then getting up the next day and going through it all over again.

Been to quite a few funerals where they have lots of pictures, videos, and story telling. Always liked that, whether I knew the person well or not.

As for me, the wife and I have already bought plots, so it looks like burial is the way we're going to go. As far as the other arrangements, we really haven't talked about it much. We need to do that.

 

[spoon]

I've already told the wife and kids what to do with whatever is left when I die. The way I see it as soon as your heart beats it's last beat your body is nothing but an empty useless shell. The part that counts is getting in the eternal elevator and going either up or down and that is determined ahead of time. They can donate any organs that are useable and I don't want any kind of public service. Nobody would come anyway so it would just save the family some money. I want to be cremated and my ashes put in an old brass cuspidor I have here at the house. Just dump me in and have someone solder a lid on it. Although I no longer chew tobacco it was one of my altime most enjoyable things to do. Chew and spit chew and spit. Jeez I haven't chewed in over 10 years and I still miss it. Seems like a fitting place for my ashes to spend eternity.

 

[Lammie]

I want to be creamated, as well. I told my husband and my sons. Steven will see to it. Is anyone aware of all the things they do to a body to make it look more "natural"? I am talking wires and bolts. Bolts. Sometimes breaking bones. It's not pretty to think about, and I wonder how Steven does it.

A client at MHMR died several years ago, This fellow, although he could walk, was non-verbal, and always sat at his chair at the workshop, except when he was chasing us around. He was little scary and he once whapped me upside the head, good. Never sat for more than a few minutes, except for when he was sleeping in his chair. He was very flexible, though, and sat with this legs almost wrapped around his head. No kidding.

When he died, his family dressed him up and had him in his casket. I went to view him and he just didn't look right laying down, since he never did. I kept expecting him to sit upright and whap me. It was a little creepy. I think he should have been buried in his chair with his legs wrapped around his head. Would have looked way more natural.

 

[bandit80]

I woke up in the middle of the night and had another thought about this. (Seems I do my best thinking at night.) I attended a funeral of a neighbor 5 1/2 years ago. He died from brain cancer. The cancer had taken it's toll on him, and he didn't look like 'ol Charlie I knew lying there. Looked like someone else. That is the last picture of him I have in my head, and I can't git rid of it. The Charlie I knew was strong, proud, and had that unmistakable "Wyatt Erp" mustache. Not the weak, frail, trimmed mustache I saw lying there.

 

[spinandslide]

I not an open casket type of person. You are right, they look "fake".

My mother has insisted that she be cremated when she passes and that we have a "memorial service" for her in leiu of a tradional viewing and funeral. I for the longest time couldnt understand why, but half of me now is considering it for myself as well.

 

[Limomike]

I not an open casket type of person. You are right, they look "fake".

My mother has insisted that she be cremated when she passes and that we have a "memorial service" for her in leiu of a tradional viewing and funeral. I for the longest time couldnt understand why, but half of me now is considering it for myself as well.

I sure hope ALL of you decides on which way to go... Dont know if they would do a cremation or a funeral with half a body... :lol2:
Although, for the right price, I bet anything is possible. :nod:

 

[TexasBred]

I just want my family to do it the way that's easiest on all of them. Heck if they want to set up a keg down at the parish hall and have a couple of cold ones while discussing me that would be great. I definitely want them laughing and enjoying themselves. I dont' care for the open casket services but if they want to do it the night before it's up to the family. Once in the church just nail the lid on it and have the funeral mass. I ain't goin' nowhere so take all the time they want or do it as quickly as they want.

 

[Dave]

I am going with the pine box. In fact I plan on making it myself. That way I can try it out and make sure it fits. I will store it up in the rafters in the shed until it is needed. Just a simple graveside with a get together after. But I do want a head stone. And not one of those flat ones like we ended up with for my Mom. I don't want the guy on the riding lawn mower going over me. He can go around. I have been getting in peoples way all my life, no use in stopping that just because I am dead. I do want to think of some profound words of wisdom to put on the head stone. So far I haven't been able to come up with the meaning of life in four lines or less.

 

[DavisBeefmasters]

I'll be dead, why would I need a box and real estate?

...you sound awfully sure that you don't need anything in the next phase of the cycle.

...question is... how many people have passed on and come back confirming what you do or don't need?

 

[Jogeephus]

This has been really interesting. There is a lot to think about. I think I'll probably run it by my family and see their feelings regarding what I would like to do. If they are not bothered by my decisions, I will leave instructions to that affect in a box like my friend gave me. This was a good idea as he tells where everything is and what is what and who to call. This could be helpful especially since no one but me knows where I buried the krugerrands or hid the coil.

 

[msscamp]

When you die, do you want the casket to be opened or closed or none of the above?

Personally, I would prefer to be cremated - takes care of the open/closed thing, once and for all - and scattered over the hills that I roamed in my younger years. That is against state law, however, so I guess I will have to settle for a closed casket. Seriously, I don't want to be remembered in a coffin, I want to be remembered as I am/was in life! Plus there is also the factor that I have always found open casket funerals to be just a tad bit on the morbid side, but that is probably just me.

 

[Jogeephus]

scattered over the hills that I roamed in my younger years. That is against state law

Why is it illegal? If you are ash then you are no more than some basic elements. If I knew you in person and this was your wish your wish would be my command. My crusade. Whether there was a law against it or not. I'm sure you have plenty of close friends who "ain't skeered" either. JMO

 

[Susie David]

Really don't care how I get remembered....with respect I hope.
As was said before funerals are for the living...and alot of them attending hadn't seen the deceased for years; that is probably why I visit my friends often for no other reason than for the pleasure of their company. I don't attend funerals for the same reason, I believe that I'd rather spend by time with them in conversation about meaningless memories of past deeds and how great we use to be rather than looking their carcass in a funeral parlor.
But that is just me...
Have a friend who's parents were real fond of a bluff over looking a lake on a Reservation in Arizona. His dad passed first and eventually his mother. It was their wish to have their ashes mixed together and spread over the lake from "their place" on the bluff. My friend and family made the pilimgrage and had a little cermony while spreading the ashes. Not a wise choice. The Tribal Police arrived on the scene and informed them that they descrated a sacred site by spreading non-Indian remains on Indian spiritual lands.
It took a sizable donation to the tribe to calm the ancestrial spirits and avoided a trip to the reservation lock-up.
And that's my two bits worth...asked for or not. Dave Mc

 

[Wewild]

Really don't care how I get remembered....with respect I hope.

Good post.

You will already be at your reward at that time. One way or the other. It will only matter to the living.

 

[Jogeephus]

The Tribal Police arrived on the scene and informed them that they descrated a sacred site by spreading non-Indian remains on Indian spiritual lands.
It took a sizable donation to the tribe to calm the ancestrial spirits and avoided a trip to the reservation lock-up.

I have had my run in with them before too. Amazing how things like trash and beer cans scattered all over beautiful land doesn't seem to bother them in the least. But when it comes to ... well you've been there before so you know. How long do you reckon the donation kept them drunk?

 

[msscamp]

scattered over the hills that I roamed in my younger years. That is against state law

Why is it illegal? If you are ash then you are no more than some basic elements. If I knew you in person and this was your wish your wish would be my command. My crusade. Whether there was a law against it or not. I'm sure you have plenty of close friends who "ain't skeered" either. JMO

I honestly don't know why it is illegal, but that is what I was told the last time the subject was discussed. My family is aware of my wishes, so I guess we'll see what happens when that time comes.

 

[cfpinz]

I'll be dead, why would I need a box and real estate?

...you sound awfully sure that you don't need anything in the next phase of the cycle.

If life is gone from my body, how will placing it in a box and displacing soil with it help anything?

...question is... how many people have passed on and come back confirming what you do or don't need?

I know where I'm going.

 

[Joy of Texas]

http://www.ehow.com/how_2058998_dispose ... ashes.html This site will explain why ashes are not to be scattered.
Myself ,I will be cremated and taken to the coast. I will be spread over my favorite fishing spot....legal or not. My sons know where I am suppose to go.
I also have a VHS tape that I did to tell everyone good bye and what not. I thought of this awhile back. VHS should be a clue. I will however copy it to a DVD. I update it yearly with whatever is going on in my life. I have baby pictures of myself and on my journey though my life. School.marriage,birth of my sons,ect.ect. I have my favorite songs playing and act like I can really sing. LOL
The reason I thought of doing this tape was because I don't want someone explaining about my life when they did not even know me. If one has to read every word and gets wrong anyway....no no I'll just do it my self.
I have been to so many funerals and I never go to the front and look at them. I will remember as they were. I can't remember who said it,but funerals are for the living. When ,that person took his/her last breathe. Their spirit has moved on. And I just wonder how many look down and have a fit.
My mom and dad have all of their arrangements made. She has demanded no flowers. If people don't think enough of me to send flowers ,while I'm alive and can enjoy them. I don't need them when I'm dead. So I would send her flowers every couple of weeks. On the card I wrote. I'm glad you are still alive and love you. But I never signed my name. After a few months she had a fit. I don't know who keeps sending all of these flowers.