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advice please...

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RedneckWoman

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Thinking about that thread "does there have to be a reason".
The situation is, a lady, never been married, ~40 years old.
Man, been married more than once.
They are in a "forever" relationship without the marriage commitment. (no children only animals)
She KNOWS the man is "emotionally involved" with another woman for many months. No sex, but definate flirting! HE doesnt know SHE knows about the relationship. She is very unhappy, upset, distraught, wondering why. He is happy as can be. She has contemplated leaving him. If she were to up and leave, he would be so blindsided! She can not confront him about this relationship because she knows he would only hide it better and she would continue to wonder, worry, and fret and not trust and always be suspicious. That is no way to live!

What advise would you give this woman?
 

Angus Cowman

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been there done that
lived for several yrs denying the truth and it made me a miserable person when she finally filed it took a few months but I realized what a better person I was and how much I enjoyed life . If you stay all you will be doing is prolonging the inevitable and making yourself miserable, you are better off cuttting your losses and moving on and enjoying life
I have been married for close to 10 yrs now and I never knew what true happiness was til I met my wife I am married to now

like Dun said bail out

Goodluck and remember only YOU can make the situation better, either live with it and be miserable,get out of the relationship and better yourself or shut up and live with it those are the only choices you have
 

Crowderfarms

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If someone is "catting" around there is an element of trust thats been broken, or it may never had that element therefore there is no basis for an everlasting or rephase: long term relationship, without trust and commitment.

Secondly, how does this wimmen know that there is only flirting and no contact? can she possibly so naive? She may be hoping there has been no contact. I think she should blind side tackle the scumbag. Corner him like a possum eating trash.This is giving us men a bad reputation. I have figured out recently why so many gals say and generalize that all men are dirty hores

Hope this helps... Dr. Crowder
 

curtis

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Living on a Sawmill License never works. Get married or get out.
 

Bez+

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RedneckWoman":3a2ulxej said:
Thinking about that thread "does there have to be a reason".
The situation is, a lady, never been married, ~40 years old.
Man, been married more than once.
They are in a "forever" relationship without the marriage commitment. (no children only animals)
She KNOWS the man is "emotionally involved" with another woman for many months. No sex, but definate flirting! HE doesnt know SHE knows about the relationship. She is very unhappy, upset, distraught, wondering why. He is happy as can be. She has contemplated leaving him. If she were to up and leave, he would be so blindsided! She can not confront him about this relationship because she knows he would only hide it better and she would continue to wonder, worry, and fret and not trust and always be suspicious. That is no way to live!

What advise would you give this woman?

You need to get the he!! away asap.

Protect yourself, protect your assets and get out of Dodge - yesterday

There are good single men out there - keep looking

EDIT - Some will beech at me - but - No ring - No committment

Bez+
 

pdfangus

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give me a break please......
this post is bound to be a total joke....
this is a cattle board not a counseling service.
"redneck woman" from the "south" with six, yep six whole posts, asking her bestest friends in the whole wide world for hep with a cheating man.
 

dun

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pdfangus":21hxhnkr said:
give me a break please......
this post is bound to be a total joke....
this is a cattle board not a counseling service.
"redneck woman" from the "south" with six, yep six whole posts, asking her bestest friends in the whole wide world for hep with a cheating man.

Not much diferetn then what others with a lot more posts have whined about on here
 
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RedneckWoman

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WOW guys. Thank you! I know that is the "right" thing to do, leave. But dang that is a tough decision to make after being with him for SO many years. And like I said, he will be so blindsided his head will spin off!
I am certain there has been no contact. They live in different states. All the communication is online and a couple phone calls.
Maybe its cause its been going on so long I have gotten almost caluoused to it all.... sometimes I think it is awful petty to leave because of 'internet chit chat flirting'. ??

pdfangus-
I am actually an active member using a differnt user to hide my identity. I do think of all yall as my bestest buddies. And I appreciate the replies thus far!
 

1982vett

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RedneckWoman
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Do what any self-respecting southern gal would do. Whop him over the head with a frying pan and tell him how the cow at the cabbage!
 

pdfangus

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RedneckWoman":59ftka8m said:
WOW guys. Thank you! I know that is the "right" thing to do, leave. But dang that is a tough decision to make after being with him for SO many years. And like I said, he will be so blindsided his head will spin off!
I am certain there has been no contact. They live in different states. All the communication is online and a couple phone calls.
Maybe its cause its been going on so long I have gotten almost caluoused to it all.... sometimes I think it is awful petty to leave because of 'internet chit chat flirting'. ??

pdfangus-
I am actually an active member using a differnt user to hide my identity. I do think of all yall as my bestest buddies. And I appreciate the replies thus far!

Okay then......

this is a situation that women these days love to create for themselves by cohabitating without benefit of clergy.

the guys perspective is why buy a cow when you have milk and cream.

while you have heard from some of the steadfast and true here, many men have that little creepy feeling of, "well hell I ain't really married" so technically I ain't doing nothing wrong.

I suggest a come to Jesus meeting with the fellow. Lay out a course of action you expect. then live with it or live without it.
 

Toby L.

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If he is in love with you, true love, there wouldn’t be any need for him to pursue other women on the internet. Some would consider that cheating in itself, I'm not sure it is but it's obvious that there's something missing in this relationship, otherwise he wouldn't be looking somewhere else. The most important thing to look at is you, your #1 in this world. If you’re miserable, everyone else around you is going to be miserable. If you walk around 24 seven and think nothing but what he's doing, your going to be an emotional wreck, how long are you going to let this happen? 1,2,3, years? IF you want this relationship to work out, you need to get to some sort of counseling, if he doesn't want to, go there by yourself; you wouldn't believe how much this will help with your own emotions. It isn't that he's just flirting with girls on the internet, there’s an underling problem with this relationship that needs intervention right now. Don't put up with it. It's your emotions that need to be addressed also; you have to do what ever makes you happy, why live in misery? There is happiness out there; it's up to you to find it.
 
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RedneckWoman

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You are so right. Thanks for stating this.!
I have wondered what could be missing in the relationship, what am I doing wrong, what am I not providing him that he "needs" more. You wouldnt believe ALL that I do for this man. I am a hard worker, I never sit still, am always helping and doing. Apparently that isnt enough.
We talk alot and never argue, neither of us are confrontational.
This has been consuming me for many months, you are right, it is not healthy for me and I need to do something or else.
I still feel as if this isnt enough to leave him for, I dont understand my feelings on this point.

I found this source a long time ago...
Emotional cheating is the type of cheating that most women find more destructive for their relationship. Women know that there are many other attractive women out there and that men are very visually stimulated by nature. Not that this condones sexual cheating, but it is well known that some men have a hard time controlling their sexual desires.

The situation is more hurtful to a woman when her partner finds someone else whose personality he enjoys more. She often sees this as a sign that she no longer is interesting to him and that she is not fulfilling his emotional needs.
 

Lammie

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I think that people have these emotional flirtations on the net all the time. It is just too easy to do if you are bored or lonely or just don't think you have anyone to talk to. If it bothers you, leave and tell him why you are leaving. But I think that in fairness he should know that you know about the flirtation and that it bothers you to the point where you believe the relationship is no longer viable. If this is a deal buster for you, get out.

I learned my lesson about living with someone outside of marriage and promised myself I'd never do it again. And when I met Steve and we got to the point where he wanted us to live with him, I let him know it was marriage or nothing. Breaking up with someone you are just living with is just as hard as breaking up with someone you are married to.
 
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RedneckWoman

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Ive learned that lesson now too.
Thank you Lammie.

Lammie":2k3u2z2y said:
I think that people have these emotional flirtations on the net all the time. It is just too easy to do if you are bored or lonely or just don't think you have anyone to talk to. If it bothers you, leave and tell him why you are leaving. But I think that in fairness he should know that you know about the flirtation and that it bothers you to the point where you believe the relationship is no longer viable. If this is a deal buster for you, get out.

I learned my lesson about living with someone outside of marriage and promised myself I'd never do it again. And when I met Steve and we got to the point where he wanted us to live with him, I let him know it was marriage or nothing. Breaking up with someone you are just living with is just as hard as breaking up with someone you are married to.
 

CKC1586

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RedneckWoman":3qk263s6 said:
Thinking about that thread "does there have to be a reason".
The situation is, a lady, never been married, ~40 years old.
Man, been married more than once.
They are in a "forever" relationship without the marriage commitment. (no children only animals)
She KNOWS the man is "emotionally involved" with another woman for many months. No sex, but definate flirting! HE doesnt know SHE knows about the relationship. She is very unhappy, upset, distraught, wondering why. He is happy as can be. She has contemplated leaving him. If she were to up and leave, he would be so blindsided! She can not confront him about this relationship because she knows he would only hide it better and she would continue to wonder, worry, and fret and not trust and always be suspicious. That is no way to live!

What advise would you give this woman?
His marriages end because he was cheating??????
Re read what you have written. I think you have answered your own questions. Time to confront him and move on with your life. Make yourself happy. If by chance you find someone that will love and respect you, great. But first and foremost be happy on your own.
 

KenB

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Just lay it on the line, tell him that you know what he is doing and you won't stand for it. and if he ever does it again it is over for good. Then stick to it.
 
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RedneckWoman

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I am pretty sure I know I must leave. I was only wanting opinions from you nice folks as to whether Yall think that is the right decision as well. (not whining or asking for sympathy, only opinions)
I dont know for certain, but do suspect his past marriages failed because he 'fell out of love with her', maybe because he found someone else.
 

CKC1586

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This is something that only you can decide for you. Don't settle for less than. Best wishes with whatever you decide to do.
 
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By sitting back and keeping your mouth shut, you are only allowing him to continue and persue this other "relationship". I have no tolerance for cheating men (or women). I see no reason for you to get the heck outta dodge...kick HIS a** to the curb! Why continue to suffer when he is the one stepping out??? The way I see it, he can just STEP his way on out the door...and it's up to you to make sure that door is hittin' him on his way out...nobody else is going to do it for you. Stand up for yourself and do the right thing :clap:

BTW: I've got a good cast iron skillet I'll loan ya ;-)
 
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