chrisy
Well-known member
Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven.
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go Back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" And *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't Ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and Says.
"No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you're going straight to he11
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Depressed.
was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Samaritans.
I was put through to a 'call centre' in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal.
They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a
truck or fly an aeroplane....
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Married Bliss
A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to
other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and
she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into
the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "
"I have a better idea," she replied." Just for tonight, let's just
pretend that we're married. "
"Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed!
"Good, " she replied... "Get your own bloody blanket."
After a stunned moment of silence, he fãrted.
------------------------------------------------------------
ROOM 302
A woman called a local hospital:
'Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about
Patients? I'd like to find out if a
patient is getting better, doing as Expected, or getting worse.'
The voice on the other end said 'What is the patient's name and room
number?'
'Sarah Finkel, Room 302.'
'I'll connect you to the nursing station'.
'Third floor nursing station. How can I help you?'
'I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302.'
'Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is very well.
In fact she had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine. She is to be
taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues
this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday.'
The woman said 'What a relief. Oh, that's fantastic. That's wonderful
news.'
The nurse said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take it, you are a close
family member, or are you a very close friend?'
'Neither. I'm Sarah Finkel in Room 302. Nobody tells me anything here'............
At the Pearly Gates, they are met by St. Peter. He says, "Sisters, you all led such exemplary lives that the Lord is granting you six months to go Back to earth and be anyone you wish to be
The first nun says, "I want to be Sophia Loren;" And *poof* she's gone.
The second says, "I want to be Madonna and *poof* she's gone.
The third says, "I want to be Sara Pipalini.."
St. Peter looks perplexed. "Who?" he asked
"Sara Pipalini," replies the nun.
St. Peter shakes his head and says, "I'm sorry, but that name just doesn't Ring a bell."
The nun then takes a newspaper out of her habit and hands it to St. Peter.
St. Peter reads the paper and starts laughing. He hands it back to her and Says.
"No sister, the paper says it was the ' Sahara Pipeline' that was laid by 1,400 men in 6 months."
If you laugh, you're going straight to he11
----------------------------------------------------------
Depressed.
was feeling a bit depressed the other day, so I called the Samaritans.
I was put through to a 'call centre' in Pakistan.
I explained that I was feeling suicidal.
They were very excited at this news and wanted to know if I could drive a
truck or fly an aeroplane....
-------------------------------------------------------------
Married Bliss
A man and a woman who had never met before, but were both married to
other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
transcontinental train.
Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were
both very tired and fell asleep quickly.... him in the upper bunk and
she in the lower.
At 1:00 AM, the man leaned over and gently woke the woman saying,
"Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into
the closet to get me a second blanket? I'm awfully cold. "
"I have a better idea," she replied." Just for tonight, let's just
pretend that we're married. "
"Wow! That's a great idea! " he exclaimed!
"Good, " she replied... "Get your own bloody blanket."
After a stunned moment of silence, he fãrted.
------------------------------------------------------------
ROOM 302
A woman called a local hospital:
'Hello. Could you connect me to the person who gives information about
Patients? I'd like to find out if a
patient is getting better, doing as Expected, or getting worse.'
The voice on the other end said 'What is the patient's name and room
number?'
'Sarah Finkel, Room 302.'
'I'll connect you to the nursing station'.
'Third floor nursing station. How can I help you?'
'I'd like to know the condition of Sarah Finkel in Room 302.'
'Just a moment. Let me look at her records. Mrs. Finkel is very well.
In fact she had two full meals, her blood pressure is fine. She is to be
taken off the heart monitor in a couple of hours, and if she continues
this improvement, Dr Cohen is going to send her home on Tuesday.'
The woman said 'What a relief. Oh, that's fantastic. That's wonderful
news.'
The nurse said, 'From your enthusiasm, I take it, you are a close
family member, or are you a very close friend?'
'Neither. I'm Sarah Finkel in Room 302. Nobody tells me anything here'............
