Recent content by boondocks

just dropping in to say hello. It has been a long time since I've been on. Tonight was 19 months since my son/only child died and it has been a very difficult time (understatement). I am very lucky to have a good hubby. I have been told by other parents who lost a child that within 5 years, we...

Hi Folks, I don't have much heart for internetting these days. We just passed the 9 month anniversary (what a term) of our son's death. It seems like it was yesterday. Time moves very oddly now. I have been so lucky to have a good hubby or I don't know how I would survive this. It is very odd...

Thank you for the continued thoughts. I go through the motions each day. Sometimes I feel it hasn't really hit me yet, then other times I am bowled over in an instant. My mom is in the hospital tonight and my FIL was diagnosed with aggressive cancer a month after our son died. It seems to me...

Thank you all. I hope you are all well. We are continuing with our cows for the moment, although our hearts aren't in it. It is also snowing here today (Spring in upstate NY), and we have a calf that was due Monday and isn't here yet. (Our mamas always go a 5-12 days early). Hoping she hasn't...

Just wanted to let you all know I am still standing. (ish). It has been harder than I could have ever imagined. Feels like the light went out in the world. The enormity of it is overwhelming. Sorting through his clothes yesterday and today; they still have his scent. Putting them in the washer...

From what I've seen, former smokers have to always be aware of big stressors, even years later. A relative had quit for about 15 years, then started up again when his father-in-law died (of lung cancer!). (A few years later he was able to quit again but it took his wife threatening him that she...

here in body anyway

Yes. We are keeping busy. We won't make any fast decisions, but the constant ice last winter and this winter has really got me thinking about the risks we take with our very steep terrain (plowing, feeding cows, haying). I am sorry for the loss of your husband. I can tell from your posts that...

Thank you bball. You have accurately captured the immensity of the task. The bleak winter landscape as backdrop. It has howled and howled here since the day he died. Epic winds, snowstorms. Freezing rain at 18 degrees. (!) My trusty old plow truck gave up the ghost in the middle of it all. Its...

I'm sure that was very tough, Coosh. SO sorry you lost your wife and the kids their mom. I have read that into every life a little rain must fall, but sometimes it is a deluge and you're not sure how to stay afloat....Keep thinking I'll pick up my phone and dial him and maybe he'll pick up. Your...

Thank you Alison and everyone. I have decided to just be open and honest about what this is like, and how very very (insert strongest curse word you know) hard it is. I think that is the only hope of getting through it. Thank you all for all of the kind thoughts.

..go on messing with cows after a great loss? I know several of you on here have lost spouses or kids. Right now I can't envision spending the summer cutting hay, putting up polywire, getting cattle in the chute...seems overwhelming (3 wks from loss of our only child). We are keeping up with the...

Silver, thank you for your message. Every little bit of good helps right now. Told my husband it feels like you're drowning and trying to build a life raft out of toothpicks. Gonna take a lot of toothpicks so we are appreciative of every kind word and thought. Picked up his ashes at the funeral...

Thank you.

Thank you. Just got home tonight with his things. Out-of-body experience.I left one shirt hanging in his closet in his apt because I couldn't bear to see it empty. His grocery list on his desk did me in. Slippers on the floor, the book he was reading by the bed, some postcards he was getting...