Discipling someone else's child

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Bright Raven
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Bright Raven » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:31 pm

OwnedByTheCow wrote:
Bright Raven wrote:You are just a child yourself. ;-)

I have been told I am mature for my age. Surely I would like that to be the opposite throughout adulthood.
That's one of the reasons I don't think I'm being respected. I was three when my nephew was born. He is practically my brother so sometimes I have to be the disciplinarian and when I am I can't possibly be taken seriously. She for sure thinks I don't have athority. Which is why nipping this issue in the butt is important.


Do you mean nipp it in the bud? Aka, the Barney Fife principle.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby OwnedByTheCow » Tue Nov 14, 2017 8:59 pm

Yeah that. We've always called it nipping in the butt with the kids. They tend to understand it easier.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Ky hills » Tue Nov 14, 2017 9:08 pm

OwnedByTheCow wrote:
Ky hills wrote:My wife and I don't have children of our own, but she has been a teacher for 9 years, and now we work with some troubled kids through church. My wife has asked if you have spoken to her mother about the situation, and have you given the child some rules about how you expect her to behave when around the barnyard?

We have briefly discussed some behavior issues every now and then but I haven't nessasarily been comfortable calling out her misbehavior until I really know how to approach it. My niece and I have had good conversations about barn safety. To the point where I believe that she truly understands what I'm trying to get across. But there's sometimes when I catch her running after the chickens or running at the horses where I would say "you can't do that, he's going to get scared" or "don't chase the chickens" and I get a " but I'm not chasing them" or a "I'm not running at them". I'm not sure if she truly doesn't understand what she is doing it as she's doing it. Or wether she's just tricking me.


Hi, I'm Mrs. Kentucky Hills (Amanda) =) The child likely does understand and is ignoring you. I suggest giving her 3 rules, 1. speak softly. 2, walk at all times. 3, do not scare the animals. Tell her the rules before going to the barn yard and that if she does not follow the rules she will have to return to the house. Make it clear in a firm tone. Don't let her whine or run over you. When she breaks a rule and begins arguing with you simply state the rule giving her one chance, then hand out the consequence if she continues. you may also want to give her a specific place to stand while you are working with certain animals. Animals are extremely dangerous whether trained or not. you do not want a child hurt on you watch. These are simple rules and the mom should be understanding. It might not hurt to talk it over with the mom first. It's not being mean to expect a child to behave. It is for her protection and safety. You are being the good guy! Hope the best for you and your niece! Let us know how it turns out.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby farmerjan » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:23 pm

One question comes to mind.... What is the insurance policy on your farm? The reason that I ask, it might be where you need to tell your sister that the kids being there has created a situation and that she has to sign a paper relieving you of responsibility if the children get hurt. Now, there is probably a ton of loop holes...what I am getting at is to tell your sister that if your niece can't obey the rules, you cannot be responsible for what happens to her. Make her realize that you take the animals seriously, and the LAW takes the animals seriously, and if you cannot get your niece to behave then you cannot have her there. An example is here in Va anyone that enters a facility that has horses, automatically acknowledges that the owner of the facility has NO LIABILITY for any injury or damage caused by the horse related activities. What it did was protect someone from being sued due to an unpredictable animal and that anyone that comes on that property understands that.
And set down some rules as suggested by others. No loud voices or yelling. Walking ONLY, NO EXCEPTIONS. If your niece says she is not chasing them, then ask her why the animals are trying to get away from her. It is because she has scared them. And TIME OUT is not wrong being metered out by you or anyone else. If your niece misbehaves, sit her in a chair. If she continues, then you have to tell your sister that you cannot have your niece there and it is not fair to your nephew because he is trying very hard to do the right things for his goat.

Is there an animal that your niece likes that maybe she could be "bribed" with to take care of when she comes, and learn to treat it with some consideration and respect? Maybe she needs to be able to focus on one thing like your nephew does. How about a rabbit that is caged, that she can learn to feed and water and pet and pick up and can find out that they don't want to be around someone who is running or scaring them.
Kids at 7 often cannot focus on one thing for very long and maybe her time there is too long for her to be able to concentrate and she does honestly forget or not remember the rules. Don't make them guidelines or suggestions....Make them RULES. Post them and follow through with time outs in a chair. That's not gonna hurt them although I am old school enough that a good swat on the butt would be my first line of discipline after the first reminder.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Nesikep » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:37 pm

Get a mean old Barred rock rooster.. or some geese.. Guaranteed the kid will smarten up and listen after they've been chased!
If you can find a way to have their action have a direct consequence it saves you the hassle of disciplining..
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby customcattle » Tue Nov 14, 2017 10:38 pm

We had kind of the same issue in the past in our roping arena at home. I have a cousin who was about 8 at the time who would come over and ride while we were practicing. He got to the point where he wouldn't really listen and wanted to argue, kind of in the same manner as you describe. It was my dad's place and he finally made my cousin get off his horse and go home. He told him that if he wasn't going to listen that he wasn't welcome around when we were practicing. He later sat down with my cousin and his mom and explained to them that he would rather have my cousin not be there or want to be there than have something happen to him because he couldn't follow directions. It seemed to work well. He would have to be reminded once in a while, but most generally responded well.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby wacocowboy » Tue Nov 14, 2017 11:31 pm

Just curious where are your parents or these kids Grandparents they might be better doing the discipline or laying down the law. I think I’d give her a chore list to burn off that energy.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby HDRider » Wed Nov 15, 2017 7:10 am

Keep us posted.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby pdfangus » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:17 am

my farm....my animals....my rules...
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Farm Fence Solutions » Wed Nov 15, 2017 8:30 am

Anyone dropping a kid off at our place understands that corporal punishment is in the tool box. So far, I've only had to use it on a 12 year old that was tossing kittens out of the loft, and a 7 year old that had just done his third Usain Bolt impression within striking distance of a horse that was standing tied. Both were given fair warning, and neither have been back. Parents were dip chits in both instances. Farms can be dangerous, but kids are kids. There is risk involved in life, and the more of it you eliminate, the less fun it usually is. The things we did, unsupervised, as kids would blow the minds of todays youth. Riding bikes with no helmets, walking to school, saddling horses with a ladder(and no helmet), bucking feeders out of the tub before the adults got home, using power tools, etc. When it snowed, we would tie a lariat rope to our leg and deliberately rope a good size calf by a back leg and then sit down. Way better than sledding!
I'm no expert, but it sounds to me like you either need to start whooping or relax. If your sister is anything like mine, good luck in that department!
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Brute 23 » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:17 am

OwnedByTheCow wrote:
Ky hills wrote:My wife and I don't have children of our own, but she has been a teacher for 9 years, and now we work with some troubled kids through church. My wife has asked if you have spoken to her mother about the situation, and have you given the child some rules about how you expect her to behave when around the barnyard?

We have briefly discussed some behavior issues every now and then but I haven't nessasarily been comfortable calling out her misbehavior until I really know how to approach it. My niece and I have had good conversations about barn safety. To the point where I believe that she truly understands what I'm trying to get across. But there's sometimes when I catch her running after the chickens or running at the horses where I would say "you can't do that, he's going to get scared" or "don't chase the chickens" and I get a " but I'm not chasing them" or a "I'm not running at them". I'm not sure if she truly doesn't understand what she is doing it as she's doing it. Or wether she's just tricking me.


They are testing you to see if your all talk. :) Kids are very good at that. Its time to set out the consequences. At 7 she clearly knows what that is by now sooo... My advice is come up with some positive and negative reinforcement. Meaning... if yall do what I ask today we will do XYZ (some thing they enjoy)... if you do not listen you will have to XYZ (some thing not fun). Just be sure what ever you tell them you are 100% able to carry it out or its a waste.

Last resort would be telling her if you do not listen you will not be able to come for 1 day or that week or what ever yalls schedule is.

Don't fall for the "Im not doing any thing" or feel sorry for them. At her age she knows exactly what she is doing no matter what she says.

As for the mom... I would not talk to her unless it gets to the point where you need her to enforce you "ban" for the day or what ever. Ill be honest, my take with kids is I don't care how they act for their parents, at school, etc... I expect certain things when they are around me. If their parents find out and don't like it... thats their problem... not mine.

Never put your hands on some one else's child, dog, horse, etc... and to be honest... one day you will have to decide if you want to teach you kids by that method. I do not lay my hands on my son or my dogs. My opinion is that is a short term, momentary reaction, that has more to with the trainer's emotions than the trainee. Yes, I compare training dogs to raising kids... its identical.

When you hit your first psychology class you will learn all about this and the different stages of how kids develop, how humans and animals react, it all applies to your relationships with humans and animals. Be smarter than the kid... be smarter than the cow... be smarter than the guy at work. Pattern their reactions. You can train kids just like you train horses just like you train your boss at work if you understand how they think.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby True Grit Farms » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:33 am

Brute 23 wrote:
OwnedByTheCow wrote:
Ky hills wrote:My wife and I don't have children of our own, but she has been a teacher for 9 years, and now we work with some troubled kids through church. My wife has asked if you have spoken to her mother about the situation, and have you given the child some rules about how you expect her to behave when around the barnyard?

We have briefly discussed some behavior issues every now and then but I haven't nessasarily been comfortable calling out her misbehavior until I really know how to approach it. My niece and I have had good conversations about barn safety. To the point where I believe that she truly understands what I'm trying to get across. But there's sometimes when I catch her running after the chickens or running at the horses where I would say "you can't do that, he's going to get scared" or "don't chase the chickens" and I get a " but I'm not chasing them" or a "I'm not running at them". I'm not sure if she truly doesn't understand what she is doing it as she's doing it. Or wether she's just tricking me.


They are testing you to see if your all talk. :) Kids are very good at that. Its time to set out the consequences. At 7 she clearly knows what that is by now sooo... My advice is come up with some positive and negative reinforcement. Meaning... if yall do what I ask today we will do XYZ (some thing they enjoy)... if you do not listen you will have to XYZ (some thing not fun). Just be sure what ever you tell them you are 100% able to carry it out or its a waste.

Last resort would be telling her if you do not listen you will not be able to come for 1 day or that week or what ever yalls schedule is.

Don't fall for the "Im not doing any thing" or feel sorry for them. At her age she knows exactly what she is doing no matter what she says.

As for the mom... I would not talk to her unless it gets to the point where you need her to enforce you "ban" for the day or what ever. Ill be honest, my take with kids is I don't care how they act for their parents, at school, etc... I expect certain things when they are around me. If their parents find out and don't like it... thats their problem... not mine.

Never put your hands on some one else's child, dog, horse, etc... and to be honest... one day you will have to decide if you want to teach you kids by that method. I do not lay my hands on my son or my dogs. My opinion is that is a short term, momentary reaction, that has more to with the trainer's emotions than the trainee. Yes, I compare training dogs to raising kids... its identical.

When you hit your first psychology class you will learn all about this and the different stages of how kids develop, how humans and animals react, it all applies to your relationships with humans and animals. Be smarter than the kid... be smarter than the cow... be smarter than the guy at work. Pattern their reactions. You can train kids just like you train horses just like you train your boss at work if you understand how they think.

I guess to each there own, time out didn't happen in my household or the one's I grew up in. Back talking got you a azz whipping, as it should today. Kids need to learn respect, number one rule around here.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby Bright Raven » Wed Nov 15, 2017 9:50 am

Farm Fence Solutions wrote: Farms can be dangerous, but kids are kids. There is risk involved in life, and the more of it you eliminate, the less fun it usually is. The things we did, unsupervised, as kids would blow the minds of todays youth. Riding bikes with no helmets, walking to school, saddling horses with a ladder(and no helmet), bucking feeders out of the tub before the adults got home, using power tools, etc. When it snowed, we would tie a lariat rope to our leg and deliberately rope a good size calf by a back leg and then sit down. Way better than sledding!


Yep. Kids were disposable in my day. Most adults where I grew up did not have time to babysit. It was easier to make a new one, than waste precious time following one around.
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby WalnutCrest » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:38 am

Some excellent suggestions in here ...
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Re: Discipling someone else's child

Postby ALACOWMAN » Wed Nov 15, 2017 10:48 am

True Grit Farms wrote:
Brute 23 wrote:
OwnedByTheCow wrote:We have briefly discussed some behavior issues every now and then but I haven't nessasarily been comfortable calling out her misbehavior until I really know how to approach it. My niece and I have had good conversations about barn safety. To the point where I believe that she truly understands what I'm trying to get across. But there's sometimes when I catch her running after the chickens or running at the horses where I would say "you can't do that, he's going to get scared" or "don't chase the chickens" and I get a " but I'm not chasing them" or a "I'm not running at them". I'm not sure if she truly doesn't understand what she is doing it as she's doing it. Or wether she's just tricking me.


They are testing you to see if your all talk. :) Kids are very good at that. Its time to set out the consequences. At 7 she clearly knows what that is by now sooo... My advice is come up with some positive and negative reinforcement. Meaning... if yall do what I ask today we will do XYZ (some thing they enjoy)... if you do not listen you will have to XYZ (some thing not fun). Just be sure what ever you tell them you are 100% able to carry it out or its a waste.

Last resort would be telling her if you do not listen you will not be able to come for 1 day or that week or what ever yalls schedule is.

Don't fall for the "Im not doing any thing" or feel sorry for them. At her age she knows exactly what she is doing no matter what she says.

As for the mom... I would not talk to her unless it gets to the point where you need her to enforce you "ban" for the day or what ever. Ill be honest, my take with kids is I don't care how they act for their parents, at school, etc... I expect certain things when they are around me. If their parents find out and don't like it... thats their problem... not mine.

Never put your hands on some one else's child, dog, horse, etc... and to be honest... one day you will have to decide if you want to teach you kids by that method. I do not lay my hands on my son or my dogs. My opinion is that is a short term, momentary reaction, that has more to with the trainer's emotions than the trainee. Yes, I compare training dogs to raising kids... its identical.

When you hit your first psychology class you will learn all about this and the different stages of how kids develop, how humans and animals react, it all applies to your relationships with humans and animals. Be smarter than the kid... be smarter than the cow... be smarter than the guy at work. Pattern their reactions. You can train kids just like you train horses just like you train your boss at work if you understand how they think.

I guess to each there own, time out didn't happen in my household or the one's I grew up in. Back talking got you a azz whipping, as it should today. Kids need to learn respect, number one rule around here.
yep ! I would have gladly taken a time out, over a king switch , or razor strap..time out,would just give me some thinking time, on what to get into next...nothing would make your stomach sink,, like seeing your parent coming to get you with a belt hanging on the shoulder....:nod:
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