Welfare case with a problem, what would U do?

[3waycross]

I was really disappointed last year with a young man I had been trying to help and mentor. He came from a typical welfare family but he is a good kid and doesn't mind work and is honest and smart as a whip. I saw these characteristics in him and did my best to help him and advise him as I would my own child. He was offered a sports scholarship and an academic scholarship. I advised him to take the academic and with other things he basically had a free ride through college. Just as he entered his junior year I became concerned about his girlfriend and I suggested that he best be careful cause I could see she didn't like him going off to school. Long story short he wasn't. He now has a baby and has dropped out of college. I asked him what he planned to do and he told me it really wasn't that bad at all and it was a lot easier than everyone had told him. He is now on perpetual spring break and has all the time in the world for his hunting and fishing and he even has plenty of money to buy lottery tickets. I saw so much potential in him. He could have done anything. Its a shame we reward failure so handsomely.

Sometimes you can't save people from themselves. I had a lot of extra sons in and out of my house when my oldest boys were growing up. Two of my favorites are in the grave because they made some real bad choices. I counseled one of them for years. I saw him a few weeks before his death @ 27. He told me he was sorry he let me down. I told him it was never to late to change, he shook his head and looked at me and said "this time you're wrong"!

[Kathie in Thorp]

THAT was bad sad, 3Way! Just jerks the heart.

[backhoeboogie]

THAT was bad sad, 3Way! Just jerks the heart.

My 27 year old daughter is still alive. Hasn't changed yet.

Jerks my heart all to pieces on a daily basis.

I don't blame the kid Alan. It is the system and his mother.

No one has mentioned the father. The boy has one. He needs to be castrated or step up one.

[3waycross]

THAT was bad sad, 3Way! Just jerks the heart.

My 27 year old daughter is still alive. Hasn't changed yet.

Jerks my heart all to pieces on a daily basis.

I don't blame the kid Alan. It is the system and his mother.

No one has mentioned the father. The boy has one. He needs to be castrated or step up one.

I am gonna disagree with you Boogie. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's nobody's fault. Both of the kids I mentioned came from 2 parent families that were middleclass, reasonably successful, and highly involved with their children. Sometimes shyt just happens!

[ifarm26]

THis is somewhat off subject, but I hope someone can enlighten me on this. My sister in-law and brother in-law do not work. She has M.S. and draws maybe 600 a month disability because she never worked in her life. She has a child, trying for another, and sits on facebook 12 hrs. a day. If she can do this she can do transcription or something. He works when he wants to at odd jobs and the like. He had a full time job with the county on the D.O.T. crew, but he didn't like to work 5 days a week and 8 hrs a day so he quit after a couple of weeks. Go figure! My problem is, that they pay little or nothing in to the government, draw over 650 a month in food stamps, and still live with their parents, and y et each year they get $4000- $5000 back in a tax refund. Can someone tell me how this is possible? Oh, by the way with last years refund they bought a trampoline, a sixty inch TV for a 10X10 room, and a huge- I mean huge aquarium for the same room, and in May they had their vehicle repossessed! I just want to know how you get back 10 times as much as you pay in. And the politicians can't figure out where the money is going!

[backhoeboogie]

I am gonna disagree with you Boogie. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's nobody's fault. Both of the kids I mentioned came from 2 parent families that were middleclass, reasonably successful, and highly involved with their children. Sometimes shyt just happens!

You have a point. One of my daughters has attained a very high level of success. The other one came from the same environment. You tend to beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong and never put your finger on it.

You see kids coming out of terrible situations of a family who make it good in life. You see kids with a silver spoon throw it away.

In my heart I know I did the right things. Still there has to have been something that could have been done at some point to have caused a better influence on her choices. I tend to hold myself accountable.

[3waycross]

THis is somewhat off subject, but I hope someone can enlighten me on this. My sister in-law and brother in-law do not work. She has M.S. and draws maybe 600 a month disability because she never worked in her life. She has a child, trying for another, and sits on facebook 12 hrs. a day. If she can do this she can do transcription or something. He works when he wants to at odd jobs and the like. He had a full time job with the county on the D.O.T. crew, but he didn't like to work 5 days a week and 8 hrs a day so he quit after a couple of weeks. Go figure! My problem is, that they pay little or nothing in to the government, draw over 650 a month in food stamps, and still live with their parents, and y et each year they get $4000- $5000 back in a tax refund. Can someone tell me how this is possible? Oh, by the way with last years refund they bought a trampoline, a sixty inch TV for a 10X10 room, and a huge- I mean huge aquarium for the same room, and in May they had their vehicle repossessed! I just want to know how you get back 10 times as much as you pay in. And the politicians can't figure out where the money is going!

I believe you have just captured the whole point of this thread.......

[Workinonit Farm]

THis is somewhat off subject, but I hope someone can enlighten me on this. My sister in-law and brother in-law do not work. She has M.S. and draws maybe 600 a month disability because she never worked in her life. She has a child, trying for another, and sits on facebook 12 hrs. a day. If she can do this she can do transcription or something. He works when he wants to at odd jobs and the like. He had a full time job with the county on the D.O.T. crew, but he didn't like to work 5 days a week and 8 hrs a day so he quit after a couple of weeks. Go figure! My problem is, that they pay little or nothing in to the government, draw over 650 a month in food stamps, and still live with their parents, and y et each year they get $4000- $5000 back in a tax refund. Can someone tell me how this is possible? Oh, by the way with last years refund they bought a trampoline, a sixty inch TV for a 10X10 room, and a huge- I mean huge aquarium for the same room, and in May they had their vehicle repossessed! I just want to know how you get back 10 times as much as you pay in. And the politicians can't figure out where the money is going!

My husband and I have been wondering this for a very long time.

A 'couple' we know, is raising 2(out of 3) of the wife's great grand daughters, has one of her daughters living (mooching) with them(perfectly able-bodied and doesn't work....by choice), the husband works----they collect food stamps, heating oil assistance (they have a woodstove) collect soc. sec., disability, and assistance for 3 great grand daughters, and get housing assistance $$ (their rent is $150.00 a month living in a small house owned by a brother), get food from the food bank and several churches, free Christmas presents for the kids, have 3 TV's all with the full satellite package, and at tax time claim all 3 great grand daughters on husband's return, along with claiming the daughter and the wife. The parents of the 3 children also claim the 3 children. After 7 years the IRS still hasn't figured that out.

They have learned how to work the system. They stay broke. I can't stand it.

And that's just 1 true story, of many, that told of.

My husband and I are tired of supporting the dead-beats. We have no problem or issues with folks who are truly in need. we'll be the first to lend them a hand up. Of the truly in need we only know 2 out of almost too many to count. It's sickening.

I'll shut the heck up now.

Katherine

[backhoeboogie]

I'll shut the heck up now.

Katherine

I hope you aint shutting up on my account.

Nothing much makes sense to me, as far as the system goes. I am raising two grandchildren myself. Paying for food, daycare, clothes, housing, everyting. No help of any kind. I make too much money it seems to gain any kind of tax benefit.

Same thing with college tuition. If your combined gross is over 100K, you're too rich to write off money you spent educating your kiddoes.

Go to the local jail on visitation day and look at the toddlers going to see their dope head parents. Most of the kids look like they need to be run through a car wash. You better take a box of tissue with you. It is enough to make a grown man cry. Kids deserve better. Our government is spending mega bucks and failing the kids all at the same time. Their dope head parents are the ones who benefit.

I'll shut up now too.

[backhoeboogie]

If I fail to put on a seat belt, I'll get caught and fined. Yet these freeloaders can take food from kids and get away with it.

Here's one on unemployment checks that will blow your mind. This guy was in jail and collecting unemployment for a couple of years. Where are the checks and balances?

http://www.cbsnews.com/8301-504083_162- ... -got-over-

[CottageFarm]

I am gonna disagree with you Boogie. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's nobody's fault. Both of the kids I mentioned came from 2 parent families that were middleclass, reasonably successful, and highly involved with their children. Sometimes shyt just happens!

You have a point. One of my daughters has attained a very high level of success. The other one came from the same environment. You tend to beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong and never put your finger on it.

You see kids coming out of terrible situations of a family who make it good in life. You see kids with a silver spoon throw it away.

In my heart I know I did the right things. Still there has to have been something that could have been done at some point to have caused a better influence on her choices. I tend to hold myself accountable.

While I understand why you feel responsible Boogie, sometimes it just has nothing to do with you. You cannot make their decisions for them. You can give them a foundation but then it's up to them. Some people will make the right decision, so matter how hard. Others...they just don't make the right decisions or take resposibility for their actions.
I have 2 stepsons. They're night/day different. The younger is a fine man that anyone would be proud to call their son. The older is a waste of humanity who blames everyone around him for his problems. It's never his fault. He's 39 years old and will never figure it out. He has 4 children that we know about (from 4 different women) and has never supported any of them.
Both were raised by the same fine man who is my husband.

[Commercialfarmer]

I am gonna disagree with you Boogie. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's nobody's fault. Both of the kids I mentioned came from 2 parent families that were middleclass, reasonably successful, and highly involved with their children. Sometimes shyt just happens!

You have a point. One of my daughters has attained a very high level of success. The other one came from the same environment. You tend to beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong and never put your finger on it.

You see kids coming out of terrible situations of a family who make it good in life. You see kids with a silver spoon throw it away.

In my heart I know I did the right things. Still there has to have been something that could have been done at some point to have caused a better influence on her choices. I tend to hold myself accountable.

Yep, Free Will means that they are ultimately responsible for the choices they make. I have a couple of young ones, and I hate knowing that I will have to let go some day for them to make their own mistakes. Makes you wonder if God looks down and feels the same way sometimes?

[hooknline]

I am gonna disagree with you Boogie. I have come to the conclusion that sometimes it's nobody's fault. Both of the kids I mentioned came from 2 parent families that were middleclass, reasonably successful, and highly involved with their children. Sometimes shyt just happens!

You have a point. One of my daughters has attained a very high level of success. The other one came from the same environment. You tend to beat yourself up wondering what you did wrong and never put your finger on it.

You see kids coming out of terrible situations of a family who make it good in life. You see kids with a silver spoon throw it away.

In my heart I know I did the right things. Still there has to have been something that could have been done at some point to have caused a better influence on her choices. I tend to hold myself accountable.

Yep, Free Will means that they are ultimately responsible for the choices they make. I have a couple of young ones, and I hate knowing that I will have to let go some day for them to make their own mistakes. Makes you wonder if God looks down and feels the same way sometimes?

he does

[cow pollinater]

My part time kid comes from a family of druggies that are just as smart and hard working as the rest of my family but never get it all together and use it for anything good. I knew our assistance programs were broken and horribly exploited but I've really seen it in detail since adding him to the family.
When mommy and daddy are out of jail they fight for custody of him and his two siblings. A few times his great grandmother, who is his official caretaker, has let them keep him and every time he comes back to us and tells us that they said the only reason they want him around is so that they can get more money. They beg great grandma for just enough hours and she usually gives in. As it turns out(shock and amazement) there is a timetable set up that defines payout. I used to think great grandma was pretty solid but now I'm seeing that she's pretty careful about keeping the whole situation manipulated fiscally in her favor and in the meantime my wife and I are the only solid parents that the poor kid has and we don't get (or want, or need) a penny of the assistance that goes into raising these kids... How disgusting to grow up and realize on day that the only reason your "family" wanted you around was so that they could get a check... At least he can't feel that way about me.

I'm all for a society that helps each other. The incapable should be helped by the capable... But it has to be met on a need by need basis with the capable and incapable looking each other in the eye to assess each others needs and abilities. Help needs to come from churches, neighbors, freinds, family, and not a blanket program where if you learn how to manipulate the standards then you're in. There are a whole bunch of people that I know who are legitimately poor that I would hand a packet of garden seeds to and point at their front yard and they'd be set for life(as long as I keep giving them seeds)but they've never had the idea of producing anything for themselves so they wait for someone to bring it to them. They want what I have but they fail to see that I turned my front yard into a garden a long time ago and I can afford grocery store food...meant both figuratively and literally.

[Workinonit Farm]

I'll shut the heck up now.

Katherine

I hope you aint shutting up on my account.

Heck no Boogie. We're good (as far as I'm concerned---at least I hope so) I'm shutting up on the subject because it gets me fired-up and folks don't want to be reading my rants.

I'll shut up now too.

No need for you to shut up either.

The direction your daughter took, was her choice. Like many young ladies and gentlemen, she was provided the tools and knowledge to make (hopefully) the "right" choices. She chose differently. Some who make poor choices, bad decisions will learn from them and turn things around. I have known a few folks who turned it around and did what I could to assist them however I could to get back and stay on the "right" track.

Waaay back, sometime in the late 80's the Colorado State Pennitentiary started a program called The Colorado Wild Horse Inmate program. I saw a documentary on it on PBS waaay back when. A few years after I'd seen that PBS show a local feedstore guy gave my name to a fellow who was trying to get a foot in the door in the horse industry where I was living at that time. I met up with the fellow, he presented himself very politely and proffessionally, told me what he was trying to do and handed me a folder withinfo similar to a resume. As it turned out, he was one of the first "graduates" of that program and had been one of the guys in that documentary. Long story short (great story though) this guy was determined not to go back to the life-ways that got him incarcerated for 18yrs. He turned it around. Here we are many years later, he has a small business of his own, is married and has 2 kids. Sometimes things do work out.

I digress.

Katherine