Pockeet Taser Gun

by **TexasBred** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 10:58 am

I know I shouldn't have laughed so hard! Poor guy! But can you imagine a woman trying something like this?

Pocket Taser Stun Gun, a great gift for the wife. A guy who purchased his lovely wife a pocket Taser for their anniversary submitted this:

Last weekend I saw something at Larry's Pistol & Pawn Shop that sparked my interest. The occasion was our 15th anniversary and I was looking for a little something extra for my wife Julie. What I came across was a 100,000-volt, pocket/purse-sized Taser. The effects of the Taser were supposed to be short lived, with no long-term adverse affect on your assailant, allowing her adequate time to retreat to safety....??

WAY TOO COOL! Long story short, I bought the device and brought it home.

I loaded two AAA batteries in the darn thing and pushed the button. Nothing!

I was disappointed. I learned, however, that if I pushed the button AND pressed it against a metal surface at the same time; I'd get the blue arc of electricity darting back and forth between the prongs. AWESOME!!! Unfortunately, I have yet to explain to Julie what that burn spot is on the face of her microwave.

Okay, so I was home alone with this new toy, thinking to myself that it couldn't be all that bad with only two triple-A batteries, right? There I sat in my recliner, my cat Gracie looking on intently (trusting little soul) while I was reading the directions and thinking that I really needed to try this thing out on a flesh & blood moving target. I must admit I thought about zapping Gracie (for a fraction of a second) and thought better of it. She is such a sweet cat. But, if I was going to give this thing to my wife to protect herself against a mugger, I did want some assurance that it would work as advertised. Am I wrong?

So, there I sat in a pair of shorts and a tank top with my reading glasses perched delicately on the bridge of my nose, directions in one hand, and taser in another. The directions said that a one-second burst would shock and disorient your assailant; a two-second burst was supposed to cause muscle spasms and a major loss of bodily control; a three-second burst would purportedly make your assailant flop on the ground like a fish out of water. Any burst longer than three seconds would be wasting the batteries.

All the while I'm looking at this little device measuring about 5" long, less than 3/4 inch in circumference; pretty cute really and (loaded with two itsy, bitsy triple-A batteries) thinking to myself, "no possible way!"

What happened next is almost beyond description, but I'll do my best...? I'm sitting there alone, Gracie looking on with her head cocked to one side as to say, "don't do it dip$hit," reasoning that a one second burst from such a tiny little ole thing couldn't hurt all that bad. I decided to give myself a one second burst just for heck of it. I touched the prongs to my naked thigh, pushed the button, and . . HOLY MOTHER OF GOD...WEAPONS OF MASS DESTRUCTION . . . WHAT THE HE!! !!!

I'm pretty sure Jessie Ventura ran in through the side door, picked me up in the recliner, then body slammed us both on the carpet, over and over and over again. I vaguely recall waking up on my side in the fetal position, with tears in my eyes, body soaking wet, both nipples on fire, testicles nowhere to be found, with my left arm tucked under my body in the oddest position, and tingling in my legs? The cat was making meowing sounds I had never heard before, clinging to a picture frame hanging above the fireplace, obviously in an attempt to avoid getting slammed by my body flopping all over the living room.

Note: If you ever feel compelled to "mug" yourself with a Taser, one note of caution: there is no such thing as a one second burst when you zap yourself! You will not let go of that thing until it is dislodged from your hand by a violent thrashing about on the floor.. A three second burst would be considered conservative?

IT HURT LIKE be nice!!!

A minute or so later (I can't be sure, as time was a relative thing at that point), I collected my wits (what little I had left), sat up and surveyed the landscape. My bent reading glasses were on the mantel of the fireplace. The recliner was upside down and about 8 feet or so from where it originally was. My triceps, right thigh and both nipples were still twitching. My face felt like it had been shot up with Novocain, and my bottom lip weighed 88 lbs. I had no control over the drooling. Apparently I pooped on myself, but was too numb to know for sure and my sense of smell was gone. I saw a faint smoke cloud above my head which I believe came from my hair. I'm still looking for my nuts and I'm offering a significant reward for their safe return!!

P.S. My wife loved the gift, and now regularly threatens me with it! "If you think education is difficult, try being stupid."

by **LoveMoo11** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:21 pm

oh man, not too smart

At least he can rest assured that his wife should be safe :lol

by **RD-Sam** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 1:22 pm

I laughed so hard I had drool running off my bottom lip. :lol2:

by **alacattleman** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 2:08 pm

we got a larry's pistol and pawn in Huntsville,........ i hope it aint the same one

by **mobgrazer** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 3:42 pm

I’ll give someone $500 if I can set up a few video cameras where I want and taser gun yourself. But it has to look about as good as what we just read or the deal is off.

by **TexasBred** » Fri Jan 23, 2009 4:47 pm

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f3eBiB69ZoM

by **Jogeephus** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 10:16 am

mobgrazer wrote:I’ll give someone $500 if I can set up a few video cameras where I want and taser gun yourself. But it has to look about as good as what we just read or the deal is off.

Our town officials were thinking about buying some for law enforcement. They had a sample. Our community leaders wanted to see first hand how these things worked and volunteers stepped forward to "experience" it. After viewing the videos of this "test" I'm undecided as to whether to applaud them for their bravery or to see this as just another reason we are running in the red. It was hilarious to say the least. 5 volunteered but only 3 went through with it.

by **mobgrazer** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 1:42 pm

I watched the youtube for about an hour and found nothing like that story. They all were able to let go of the trigger after a few rounds of zaps.

by **RD-Sam** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 2:03 pm

Maybe the guy accidentally bought the animal version? http://ca.youtube.com/watch?v=mOhYvu_EgwM

by **grannysoo** » Sat Jan 24, 2009 11:22 pm

BS alert................

Those little stun guns are more mental than physical. If you think for a moment that you're going to stop me with one of those, you'll soon learn different.

The most scary part of them is listening to them sizzle. As to the actual results, it's nothing more than an intense muscle spasm. I would be able to hurt you quick if you pulled that be nice on me.

The taser gun that law enforcement uses however is special. Don't mess with them.

A stun gun vs an informed mind will get you hurt.

by **BamaCowboy** » Sun Jan 25, 2009 10:05 am

I have laughed so hard I have tears in my eyes, coughed so much I am gagging, that is about as funny thing I have ever read. :help:

by **TexasBred** » Mon Jan 26, 2009 10:37 am

grannysoo wrote:BS alert................

Those little stun guns are more mental than physical. If you think for a moment that you're going to stop me with one of those, you'll soon learn different.

The most scary part of them is listening to them sizzle. As to the actual results, it's nothing more than an intense muscle spasm. I would be able to hurt you quick if you pulled that be nice on me.

The taser gun that law enforcement uses however is special. Don't mess with them.

A stun gun vs an informed mind will get you hurt.

Granny....so is a heart attack. :lol: