Daily Joke

[hooknline]

[inbredredneck]

Texasbred I know this has nothing to do with the Mexican eggs but that trucker was completely overweight on his gross and probably every axle as well.

[cross_7]

Youngest Son:
Tell me Daddy, what is the difference between
'Potentially' and 'reality?'

Dad:
I will show you.

Dad turns to his wife and asks her,

'Would you sleep with Bill Gates for 1 million dollars?'

Wife:

Yes, off course! I would never waste such an opportunity!

Then Dad asks his daughter if she would sleep with Brad Pitt for
1 million dollars?

Daughter:

Wow! Yes! This is my fantasy!

Dad turns to his eldest son and asks him,
'Would you sleep with Tom Cruise for 1 million dollars?'

Eldest son:

Yeah! Why not? Imagine what I could do with 1 million dollars!
I would not even hesitate!

So the father turns back to his younger son saying:

'You see son, 'potentially' we are sitting on 3 million dollars,

But in 'reality' we are living with two sluts and a homo !'

[TexasBred]

Texasbred I know this has nothing to do with the Mexican eggs but that trucker was completely overweight on his gross and probably every axle as well.

Yeah that's way too many eggs to be legal. Even with a harvest permit.

[Nesikep]

all those eggs, they must be poachers! (no pun originally intended)

[CKC1586]

Whoopsie!!!

[TexasBred]

all those eggs, they must be poachers! (no pun originally intended)

Hope that truck was delivering them to Mexico.

[Ouachita]

Tiger Woods & Stevie Wonder are in a bar...

Tiger turns to Stevie and says, "How's the singing career going?" Stevie replies, "Not too bad. How's the golf?"

Woods replies, "Not too bad, I've had some problems with my swing, but I think I've got that right, now."
Stevie says, "I always find that when my swing goes wrong, I need to stop playing for a while and not think about it. Then, the next time I play, it seems to be all right."
Incredulous, Tiger says, "You play GOLF?"
Stevie says, "Yes, I've been playing for years."
Tiger says, "But -- you're blind! How can you play golf if you can't see?"

Stevie Wonder replies, "Well, I get my caddy to stand in the middle of the fairway

and call to me. I listen for the sound of his voice and play the ball towards him.

Then, when I get to where the ball lands, the caddy moves to the green or farther down the fairway and again I play the ball towards his voice."

But, "How do you putt" asks Tiger

"Well", says Stevie, "I get my caddy to lean down in front of the hole and call to me with his head on the ground and I just play the ball toward his voice."

Tiger asks, "What's your handicap" ?

Stevie says, "Well, actually -- I'm a scratch golfer."

Woods, incredulous, says to Stevie, "We've got to play a round sometime".

Stevie replies, "Well, people don't take me seriously, so I only play for money and never play for less than $10,000 a hole. "Is that a problem" ?

Woods thinks about it and says, "I can afford that; OK, I'm game for that.
$ 10,000 a hole is fine with me. "When would you like to play?"

Stevie Wonder says, "Pick a night."

[slick4591]

[bigbluegrass]

After a long illness, a woman died and arrived at the Gates of Heaven. While she was waiting for Saint Peter to greet her, she peeked through the Gates. She saw that it was so beautiful.

Saint Peter came by; the woman said to him "This is such a wonderful place! How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", Saint Peter told her.

"Which word?" the woman asked.

"Love."

The woman correctly spelled "Love" and Saint Peter welcomed her into Heaven.

About six months later, Saint Peter came to the woman and asked her to watch the Gates of Heaven for him that day. While the woman was guarding the Gates of Heaven, her husband arrived.

"I'm surprised to see you," the woman said. "How have you been?" "Oh, I've been doing pretty well since you died," her husband told her. "I married the beautiful young nurse who took care of you while you were ill. And then I won the lottery. I sold the little house you and I lived in and bought a big mansion. And my wife and I traveled all around the world. We were on vacation and I went water skiing today. I fell, the ski hit my head, and here I am. How do I get in?"

"You have to spell a word", the woman told him.

"Which word?" her husband asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

[TexasBred]

My wife was screaming at me. "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I got up to walk out the door she yelled "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "Make up your mind. Do you want me to stay or go?”

[tom4018]

My wife was screaming at me. "Leave!! Get out of this house!" she ordered.

As I got up to walk out the door she yelled "I hope you die a slow and painful death!"

So I turned around and replied "Make up your mind. Do you want me to stay or go?”

[TexasBred]

Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore.
A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband.
Pass this safety information on to all your buddies!

[Nesikep]

Black Testicles

A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital,

Wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still

Heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure.

A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath.

Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my Testicles black?'

Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know,

Sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.'

He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles Black?'

Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry

About his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment

And sheepishly pulls back the covers.

She raises his gown, holds his penis in one hand and

His testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around.

Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's
Nothing wrong with them, Sir !!'

The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and

Says very slowly,

'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen


Very, very closely......



' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - back ? '

[Jogeephus]

My wife and I went to the state fair and one of the first exhibits we stopped at was the breeding bulls. We went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 50 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife playfully nudged me in the ribs, smiled and said, "He mated 50 times last year."

We walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, 'THIS BULL MATED 150 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife gave me a healthy jab and said, "WOW!! That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."

We walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, 'THIS BULL MATED 365 TIMES LAST YEAR'

My wife was so excited that her elbow nearly broke my ribs, and said, "That's once a day! You could REALLY learn something from this one."






I looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same old cow."