Daily Joke

[TexasBred]

Negative people



This is something to think about when negative people are doing their best to rain on your parade.. So remember this story the next time someone who knows nothing and cares less tries to make your life miserable.


A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:

" Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"

"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"

"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."

"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."

"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."

"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.

Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it."

A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome .

"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of Continental's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot..

And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a $5 million remodeling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They, too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"

"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I know you didn't get to see the Pope."

"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.

Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me.."

"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"


He said: "Who f_ _ _ _ed up your hair?

[chippie]

[alisonb]

[chrisy]

[3waycross]

Finally some sanity around here. I sure hope all you ladies took this to heart!

[ALACOWMAN]

all id need with that gal,, is a tote sack neatly placed over her head..

[chippie]

[slick4591]

[slick4591]

[tom4018]

Need one with Ben Gay.

[slick4591]

[TexasBred]

After experiencing the discomfort and embarrassment of a colonoscopy in Dallas , I decided to have my next one carried out while visiting friends in San Francisco, where the beautiful nurses are allegedly much more gentle and accommodating.

As I lay naked on my side on the table, the gorgeous nurse began my procedure.

"Don ' t worry, at this stage of the procedure it's quite normal to get an erection," the nurse told me.
"I haven't got an erection," I replied.

"No, but I have," replied the nurse.

Lesson: Don't get a colonoscopy in San Francisco .

[Nesikep]

HAHAHAHA, good one with the Preparation H

I should bring some of my de-motivational poster pictures in...

[hillsdown]

Beotches 'til the End' !

Man, I'll tell ya, women can be cold until the end!

The doctor, after an examination, sighed and said,
'I've got some bad news.
You have cancer, and you'd best put your affairs in order.'
The woman was shocked, but managed to compose herself and walk into the waiting
room where her daughter had been waiting.
'Well, daughter, we women celebrate when things are good, and we celebrate when
things don't go so well. In this case, things aren't well. I have cancer. So, let's
head to the club and have a martini.'
After 3 or 4 martinis, the two were feeling a little less somber. There were some laughs and more martinis.
They were eventually approached by some of the woman's old friends, who were curious as to what the two were celebrating. The woman told her friends they were drinking to her impending end,
'I've been diagnosed with AIDS.'
The friends were aghast, gave the woman their condolences and beat a hasty retreat.
After the friends left, the woman's daughter leaned over and whispered, 'Momma,
I thought you said you were dying of cancer, and you just told your friends you
were dying of AIDS! Why did you do that?'

'Because I don't want any of those beotches sleeping with your father after I'm
gone.'

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY....
Women are like phones:
They like to be held, talked to, and touched often.
But push the wrong button and your @ss is disconnected.

[Cabo]

Good one. Thanks